WAH & MLC? - EA/PA - Please Help

[Sam3]

Train,

Thank You so much for the reply. I appreciate you taking the time to check on me. I have had a sick kiddo this week. I have not had the time to do a lot of thinking about my stitch.

This week has been interesting. I did talk to H briefly on sunday evening. I asked what he meant by saying I could fix this. He went on to tell me that it is basically what I thought- I don't pay attention to him, I'm too focused on kids, don't show enough affection, I'm no spontaneous anymore.

He again wanted to have a physical relationship. I kind of said "that's not going to fix anything" He said "we aren't trying to fix anything, lets just have sex." Uggh.
Sun night - he had 1 of our boats loaded to take with him back to town that he works in. I told him that it was half my boat. H said nope. This was done in a casual conversation. By me asking where is the boat going. You know it is half mine. This conversation was light & almost joking.

This week was interesting because since beginning of June I have been dark/dim. No real communication between us throughout the week - except about kid stuff or house stuff. I don't ask what he's doing. He doesn't ask what I'm doing. Baby had a dr appnt on Tuesday. He texted me early Tuesday morning to let him know how Dr appnt went. He called while I was loading stroller in the car. I missed the call. So I texted him back. Then he called me. We talked about the dr appnt. And somehow started talking about things with us. he said I can't believe you want half my boat - I had that kind of boat before we were married. The other boat is half yours. I said nope. I said I guess we can pay attorneys $500 an hour to figure it out. he had me on speaker in his office. Then he starts laughing. And says his secretary came to his office & closed his door. He said "she thinks we're serious. She doesn't know we are playing around."

Wednesday he calls at 11 am. And we never talk during the day. To tell me he wants me to go buy an ipad for me & kids to use. I said Okay. I was taking my older kids roller skating before we went to the mall anyway to get new school shoes. So after we skated I sent H a video of the kids(it was their first time skating.) I have not sent him any pictures or initiated any contact (unless about house issues - like the lightning strike) in the last 2 months unless he has asked for a 4th of july picture or a picture of the baby because I kind of thought of this as pursuing.
I bought the ipad & sent him a text thanking him & telling him how much we appreciate it.
Thursday he called again at 11 am - I missed his call. I sent a text back a little while later just saying to let me know if he needed something. He texted me back a random about how he found out something else in our house got struck by lightning a couple of weeks ago.

He talked to the kids at night and didn't ask to talk to me. I called him back few minutes later just to let him know I was taking the kids out of town this weekend and about where we might be going. I had 2 options. Told him I would let him know.

He sent a text today asking where we going & I texted him back to let him know which activity I decided to do. He called this evening - big kids were eating dinner & I was taking care of baby. So I answered & told him what we were doing & I would have them call him back.
My D5 called him after dinner & he talked to S4 also. He did not ask to speak to me.

So kinda interesting that he has called me this week. I feel like we are becoming friendlier. After 2 months of hardly any talking. But, I don't know if I should continue to stay dim or be friendly & occasionally send text pictures of kids. I don't want to pursue him. I also don't know status of OW situation. Thoughts?

I am still DBing my behind off. Like taking 3 little kids away this weekend. My mom is going with me to help - Thank goodness. I am trying to be the person a fool would leave. But this dual track thing is very hard.

I was reading a post of pilot's this week and I kind of felt like I could understand how a LBS can become a WAS. My marriage sucked for the last year to year & a half. I'm changing but he's not. Not sure he even thinks he needs to. I can become a person would be a fool to leave but I'm not sure were that leaves him & our marriage. Or if I even want him again. I guess I'm angry again about how this has happened. And if I want to keep standing for a marriage & family that he could so easily walk from. When I look at the big picture - it stinks. I don't know if I want a H like he is. Even without the OW nonsense. The strip clubs. The money I now see that he's spending. I'm not an equal partner to him & don't know if I ever would be.

To answer your questions -
I have heard it around - Inaction IS an action. But please explain to me how? Because I feel like it's turning my head & ignoring the stitch.

My state does not have a legal separation & there is no waiting period to get a divorce.

I would get more between alimony & child support than what he gives me in the "allowance" check. But, he is paying all the bills. I haven't crunched the numbers exactly.
(By the way when I mentioned something about alimony he again said nope. You can get a job just like everybody else.)He rally has no clue this D will be for him. And yes, he will be paying a very big chunk of change to me monthly. The L estimated between CS & alimony about $9k monthly he would be paying. But, like this weekend I'm putting on his amex. The ipad went on his amex. So, I really have no need to ask him for additional money. We (me & kids)aren't doing without anything per say - but h is living the high life and we are not.

I too find myself wanting to tell him things just to let him know I'm not stupid. But Okay, it's ego. And I will try to keep it put aside.

The boundary about the burner phone is that I asked/told him to not text or communicate with OW in front of my children. And he probably most likely is because my D5 told me that he has another phone he uses for texting & one that he talks on and takes pictures with.

I did not bring up the burner phone. Yet anyway. He does seem to answer his regular phone promptly & return texts. This is recent. As in the beginning he would ignore calls & texts from the kids if he was out or doing something fun. And I knew this to happen on several occasions because I had access to his calendar. When he was on vaca with OW - we didn't hear from him for 2 days. Out to dinner with OW-he would ignore their calls. Now we at least have a pattern that he calls around when he gets off work. So we don't interrupt his going out in the evening. lol.

Thoughts. Suggestions. 2x4's??

Okay - I think that's it. I have been reading while feeding baby at night. But it's hard to write a ton from my phone. My goal is to post frequently.

I really appreciate the support and advice from everyone here.

Thanks!