Hi Dan, We don't have any children. This is both of our first marriage; he's 33, I'm 34.
This is not the first r that I have had this trouble with. (the insecurity and fear). I have gone to soooo many C's looking for help. (Yes, I know it has to come from me.) I really WANT to change but for some reason I DON'T.
H has asked for this: to get along, to have emotional stability in our r. That's it. So, to me that equals quality time. (obviously, time together is not quality time if I am crying all the time.)
What I want (besides it all): WOA, physical touch (he's very affectionate as far as cuddling, putting his hand on my leg during movie or at din. or at the family's house, or whatever...) I like to be very active. H doesn't care what we do together-he's happy just BEING together. I don't know how to just BE. Can I fly around buzzing and stinging people? Oh, wrong kind of "be." That's what I do anyway!
I'll think about the LL book issue. I'm not sure how he would react to that right now.
Here's the synopsis:
H wants to get along, I want romance. He says if he gives me what he wants, he'll give me what I want, and vice versa. He has been emotionally closed off due to my attacking and accusing him of not caring about me, therefore, he doesn't feel able to give emotionally very much anymore for fear of being trampled on. I really want to get along and try, but like I said, I hit my head against the same wall (lookin' for that damn cheese) over and over and over again. I KNOW this does not work. Duh? I keep hoping that one day it will that miraculously, he'll say that he loves me and that everything is going to be ok. But, that does not happen and I feel desperate for those words.
Why am I so dependent on that?? Even when he did give me lots of words, I was insecure. So, he says, "why should i do that? It doesnt' work anyway."
I can't seem to hold out long enough to get what I want. We'll be really close one day, then say we have a few days that we are not as close and I freak out. I fear that I'll never have the m that I want and that i made a mistake marrying him. But, this is so WRONG!! He's a great guy!!!
He just thinks differently than I do and I don't understand!
