After the low blow yesterday, today went better at work. Had a meeting with boss. He was very supportive of whatever I need to do, and was telling me he will help me find a job, give me a great referral, and that no one needs to know anything unless I tell them. That when I leave, I can tell people I needed a higher paying position since I have 2 in college...etc. IMO, his efforts today were helpful, but it felt like it was to ease his guilt, and so he will not look so schmucky.
Made dinner, laughed with kiddos (it still counts if they're laughing "at" me, not with me).
Time for my personal meeting.
Hi. I'm Shining. (Hi, Shining.) I'm a recovering pursue-a-holic.
Today was day #5 of NOT initiating contact. (Whoop, whoop!) Day 1 was 0 communication, but days 2-5, all initiated by H. No big deal to some, perhaps, but this was HARD for me.
Last night, H again reached out to D13 (she is his stepdaughter, but his "favorite" of the 6, and the only one of mine he contacts). "I wanted to let you know I am thinking about you. I hope you're holding up well. Do you like volleyball?"
She told h she loves it, asked h to keep her in mind if he comes across any balls (oh,.....I know), and that was about it. (H gets sports stuff from work)
For me, this morning was new. I got 3 texts in a row from h at 7:50am.
What's your license # I figured it out. Can you get your own toll tag and I will take yours off my account How are you?
I do know better than to be overjoyed, however, this was the first time since S he asked how I was. I know bc I've been watching for it....
I didn't respond until 10.
I'm good sorry super busy
I'm so tempted to ask how he is, as that's what I would normally do. But I didn't. I have no clue what to do other than continue to stay out if his way, and know that these little hints of old H are inconsistent, fleeting, and currently, meaningless.
He sent more texts tonight, "I have your mail and need to talk to you about the house sale soon no one is looking at it need to drop the price a lot." (Me) "to what?" H "I don't know I need a real estate agent to tell me how much and sell it."
Sounds like he's stressed. Pre-MLC, H was always a thinker, slowly process info then decide. Now he is impulsive and impatient, huge sense of urgency to sell he house. He is the classic "mirrored image of his old self."
It is SO fascinating to read examples and advice from experienced DBer's on various threads and archives, and then recognize when the same thing happens in my own tunnel-swallowed world.
Oh, H probably still has OW, but I know nothing. Didn't break it, can't fix it, can't control anyone but myself. I went to the LIFE store. And I got one
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
