Thanks everyone. Just a little update - I feel the tide turning just a little bit - not sure why - don't care really. And I am talking about myself - not him. I think I am really starting to make movement forward. After my birthday I definitely fell back a few steps - i mean bad - sobbing and crap all over again. Then - i just feel different. I have decided that life is too short and I am worth more than that to go on that way. I am really starting to act as if. I have had a fabulous time lately going out for dinner parties with old friends, yoga, making new friends at work, making plans for a girls weekend and a trip to the NE in the fall. I am starting to feel alive again. I have the best time with my kids that I often stay up way too late just to be with them. At first I took it so personally when he wanted the kids - now I just want to know ahead of time so I can make plans myself. I still have moments of tearing up when I hear a certain song or something. He still seems horribly depressed and unable to think clearly - like when I mention something it seems it takes him a moment for it to sink in. He texted something yesterday about being so stressed out right now. I just ignored it. I am trying to be polite and friendly but sometimes I just can't - like with that statement - really??? I have been beyond stressed out for months. He still seems like such a stranger to me. He still wears his ring as do I - he came to the house and mowed today. He gets angry if he doesn't know everything that is going on with the kids but he doesn't say anything to me just says stuff to my D like - "that's the first I heard of that". Sorry - that's what happens when you no longer live in the house or communicate like a grown up. Then it's like he wants my approval for things - he asked my son if I got the bday card and did i like it - he asked my D if I liked the shoes he bought her and then said good. He looks really bad - he is so skinny and I know he is walking every night. He sent me a picture from the walking trail the other night - out of the blue - strange. They just say things that have no meaning - he told me he was going somewhere with his mom and sister - ok - don't care. Anyway - bottom line is I still go back and forth about saving my marriage and just being done with it all. I keep thinking that if done properly this may be the start to the best phase of my life while it is the start to the worst of his. At times I feel really sad about it and then mad and then just nothing. It would be so much easier if we didn't know they struggle themselves.
