He seems to have periods of clarity where he admits he knows he is confused and admits that he has done things he knows were wrong and hurtful.
He told me that for the longest time he had me on a pedestal and I was #1. But he became selfish, made himself #1, knocked me off the pedestal and took my place. He said he thought it was pretty great up there, but he was looking down on me and he didn't like looking down on me. He also said, many times, that if he had known where we would end up, he never would have gone down this path.
Not everyone admits this^^ though I suspect it's true for MOST. But I have not finished your thread so any comments I make for now, are probably not "completely" thought out. But I know I'll forget these posts if I wait til I'm all done so I may comment soon on what I see now...okay?
I suppose that is normal - to flip back and forth between the confusion and the clarity - but I didn't expect him to show me that vulnerability. But, other times, he was adamant that he was going to pursue this new aspect of the business - with or without me. It was really, really hard to validate that desire, but I did. I told him I admired the fact that he could set a goal and had the courage to try to achieve it. Ugh!
LBSs do NOT have to "VALIDATE" every single thing a WAS says! Good grief. Do not validate crappy stupid selfish things. There are times you can Just listen.
The other interesting thing that happened:
It was rather cold and I mentioned I was going to take a bath before bed to warm up. I told him he was welcome to join me if he wanted to "warm his bones." (We used to share baths a lot.) Surprisingly, he did. But, as he was sitting at his end of the tub, his eyes kept darting around the room - looking at the ceiling, the walls, everywhere but in my direction. He was clearly very uncomfortable. I just chatted and made small talk, he thawed and we eventually ended up ML that evening before going to our separate rooms. I know that the shared bath is little more intimate that just having a romp and I know that it probably brought back some memories, but I'm wondering if he may have felt he was cheating on OW by his behavior?
I know the issue of ML under these circumstances is debatable around here, but that is H's way of connecting and I think it would do more harm than good to refuse him. And, if he feels like he's "cheating" on OW and begins to question his commitment to her, good!
I'm not someone who bashes anyone for being intimate with THEIR own spouse.
It's a very personal delicate intimate issue, obviously. My question is just how did YOU FEEL about it later?
And if you think he's sleeping around much, you may want to use some precautions. (but No, I would not know how to broach that either without sounding angry or weirdly suspicious.)
I think that's all I have for now, til I finish your whole thread.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
