So sorry you are here. I hope the DR book arrives soon. It has so much good info and guidance.
I wanted to follow up on 25's post, although I am no where close to a vet around here.
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned here and from my IC is to ask WAS to clarify. Whenever my H throws out an accusation or asks a question like "why are you being so cold?" (I've never gotten that one, but the principle still applies), the response I would have is "I'm sorry you feel like I'm being cold. Can you explain why you think that?" And when they answer, the response should be something along the lines of "I'm sorry you thought that because it was never my intention to give you that impression." This validates what they are saying and it gives you insight as to whether you DBing techniques are taking you in the direction you want to go. It also lets them know that you are listening and that you heard them.
I take H's response seriously and look inside myself to see if my actions/words are bringing him closer or pushing him away. I question whether what I said or what I'm doing is truly DBing? Is what I've said or done going to make me someone they want to come home to? The last thing any of us want to do is anything that they could construe as justification for walking away.
So far, it seems to be working well and has opened up some little bit of productive and positive communication with him.
Like I said, I'm not a vet and I have a long way to go in my own sitch. So take away what you will.
Anyway, I wish you all the best. All of us here want the same thing ... a restored M that is happy and healthy. I hope that yours is one of the success stories.
2T2M
Last edited by 2Times2Many; 08/01/1410:41 PM.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
