First post, DENIAL was my HAPPY PLACE!!

[AJM]

Wow. That brings back memories. I was you at one point

This is a lot to consider. He is one sick puppy, but I still love him. I believe in our marriage, in our vows, and I believe in miracles. But I also know there are no guarantees.

Here I am already, at the crossroads.... of going against my faith and my gut, or cutting my losses before they potentially get worse.

It is a lot to consider and not something to do lightly. My ex and I were married young and for 20 years (almost to the day.) Like you, I got the "something's wrong with me" and "ILYBINILWY" speeches. My MIL saw something was wrong and offered brazil nuts to my ex, to try and help her. Her mom's nutty to say the least (I know, bad pun) Eventually, my ex blamed me for everything she could think of (I didn't get the cat pregnant. Just sayin') and now has a H who won't let her forget those things she's accused me of

I didn't contest nor fight the divorce. I decided early on to help her move out. I helped pack, move, etc. I was very friendly and fairly easy going. I still loved my wife. To be honest, I suspect she still loved me as well. Still might, but I wish that would stop.

I visited several lawyers. They really do try to egg you on. They try to play your emotions. My ex said she wouldn't do x, y, z. That was more like a pre-cursor to what she was going to do.

Interview some more lawyers. Find one that works for you. The MC gave me several lawyers and even rated them. She told me that all three were excellent lawyers, two of them were very good with kids, and one of them was a real a**hole if that's what I wanted to get. The MC saw from the beginning what was going on and was very helpful in helping me keep perspective. She knew both of us which helped as well.

I chose a lawyer that would look out for my kids even at my expense if I chose it. I'm very glad I did. I don't regret one cent spent on the lawyer. By the end of it, even my W's lawyer didn't like her (Wife) and both of them fought for me and my kids.

Keep looking, shining. You do need to protect yourself. As T mentioned, you can leave the door open. You can reconcile it with your faith. I am and have been several times, the president of a local congregation. I have a very active faith. It was not what I wanted, but I don't get to make all the choices, ya know? My ex's cheating helped on that front but mostly it was some very long and sometimes heated conversations with friends and the pastor to help me reconcile my faith with what was going on.

Hope that helps,
AJ