Dealing with ongoing affair -which may now be over

[PeterV2]

The other day W called me and asked if I wanted to have a coffee with her. I said our place or yours? She came here, we had a coffee. Then she pulled out some paintings we wanted to get framed: one from our first trip to the Caribbean, one from our wedding trip and another her brother painted. Then we went to a jeweller to start the process of getting some custom jewelry for our 2 daughters and W. Then we went out to dinner.

At dinner she asked me, "well where do we go from here?" I told her I think we need to create a new path for a new relationship. She asked me if it doesn't work out and we find we were just not meant to be together she'd still like to be friends and be supportive of each other. I didn't reply to that one except to say let me think on that.

She also said she feels like we're best friends but there are some things she can't tell me and that's hard. I should have asked her what those things are but I didn't press the issue. Now it's driving me crazy trying imagining what she wanted to say but couldn't.

We talked about how our relationship broke and I admitted that I was disrespectful of her views and insistent on getting my own way. She agreed that she gave in to me and shouldn't have. But I said that's in the past. I know now never to let things get to that point. That I need to respect her views and wishes.

I told her to get back on track will be a lot of hard work. She said then maybe it's not right - it should be easy. (I don't know what she's smoking). I think she's still conflicted.

Is it time to suggest reconciliation? Is it time to pull out the DB book and go over it with her? I also got a course from StrongMarriageNow by Dr Dana Filmore with modules on how to get your partner checked back in and the half a dozen modules on relationship skills to be learned.

Or should I let her flounder some more and back off? I believe the A is over but she hasn't offered me her phone for me to check. I've opened my computer to her - I have nothing on it to hide.

I could use some guidance here. Are we at a stage where I can suggest R?