Why do you think he's "messed up" "in crazy land" right now?
Aside from the fact that's he's actually said he's messed up, it's the usual story of rewriting history, shifting blame, etc. although he has improved a great deal over the past couple of months. His biggest issue, from my perspective, is he can't quite decide what direction to take. He says he likes his new "life" but it isn't fulfilling and doesn't make him happy, but he doesn't feel at ease at home either. He's never been the indecisive type who makes decisions by not making them, but it looks from here like that is what he is doing. But, he has to work that out for himself. I know that.
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What was missing in your M before?
In general, communication and intimacy (not the physical kind). We just grew apart. I started feeling neglected as result of his drive in his work and after trying to reach him (in my non-confrontational way) with no response, I just kind of gave up. So, both of us were feeling like the other one didn't care, but neither of us talked about it. We talked a lot about that on the trip we recently took and I think it was good for both of us to finally understand what was happening back then. I see that as a positive step ... some long overdue communication.
While he was here this last time, quite a few of the "baby steps" on my list were fulfilled, although there were some road bumps along the way. I had given up and suddenly I have some hope. But, like my changes, they have to be sustained.
As for my changes ... it's kind of funny. At one point a few weeks ago he indicated he might come back permanently and I got frazzled. All I could think was that I like the person I am now and I don't want to go back to the way things were. Lots of talk about that with IC! So, I intend to make my new attitude and changes permanent, regardless of what happens.
I think that right now I will continue with maintaining minimal contact from my side, keep being pleasant (as I have been) when he does contact me, refrain from doing any pursuing and maintain that PMA. That seems to be working for now.
I guess I will have to let him give me some indication that the time is right to risk a little more.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
