Good work! Now that things are going smoothly, what goals can you make to keep them that way?
This is really important to a crazymaker... until you get the word "RECOVERING" in front of that title, goals are imperative to building success on this front.
Up and Adam, give me some goals, now!!!!! (I'm your drill sergeant now, who wants you to graduate )
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
have a nice time, relax, enjoy just "being" together. something that has worked for me (may seem silly to you) is to tell myself to aim for a "6" night. Don't freak out and make it a 1 or 2, and don't EXPECT a "10" night. Realize that 10 nights take time, and not every night can be a 10 night. This seems to take some of the pressure off of myself.
Hmmm...what to occupy my mind with when I start to get antsy? Well, I will be cooking-that will occupy my mind. (Did I mention I have a goal to try a new recipe once a week?) Haven't figured out tonight's yet. I can always break away to take a shower if antsy...seems to calm me sometimes...stoke the fire! Ask h more questions about him, his life, biking, truck, whatever...
Be sincere and pleasant, make convo.
**Focus on Quality Time as this is what H seems to like. The din. will be an act of service.
Hi, Karen! You kinda sound like me even just a few weeks ago - I need to go back and read your thread, but I am definitely gonna post more! Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Great idea on the new recipe thing? So you like to cook? Well, you just gave me a place to go with this....
How about when you're feeling REALLY edgy (and we all know that it is inevitable), you go running for the cookbooks to work on your next project?
This is going to sound equally stupid, but when I was feeling really edgy (in the early days), I would collect my things (and the girls too, if they were with me) and head to the pool. I spent a lot of time at the pool last summer....
But since that isn't possible right now for either one of us (last I checked, Ohio isn't exactly in the tropics), we have to find those opportunities when they arise.
Just trying to say in a roundabout way that you have to plan in advance what you need to do to get yourself out of the frenzy....
We're here to help!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hi! yes, I like to cook and H keeps asking when I am going to organize my recipes b/c I can never find what I am looking for!
Last night I got home, greeted him happily, and said, "let's go!" He asked where we were going and I said to my mom's for firewood and to the store for grub. We return, I make din, he builds the fire. Big wet wood won't catch so he goes to the store to buy firewood.
We piled 7 blankets on top of each other in front of the fp. (we have hardwood floor), ate din. I offered to rub his back. He offered to rub mine and I said that I didn't want him to feel like he had to since I rubbed his. He said he wanted to and, well, badda-bing!!! Things is great!
He keeps looking in my eyes, rubbing noses with this huge grin on his face. Yeah baby! Even though he didn't say ILY, I know he was thinking it!!
**What worked** I held on to my goal of having a 6 evening (and had a 15!!) Acted real cool, collected, confident, didn't have "expectations"-ok, I had them in my head, but I didn't ACT like it. I was going to act totally cool if he didn't want to ml. Made a good din-mexican strata
Hey, I found the REAL cognitive distortions! PATTERNS OF COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
All-or-Nothing Thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Mental Filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.
Disqualifying the Positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
Jumping to Conclusion: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support you conclusions.
Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out.
The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an established fact.
Magnification (catastrophizing) or Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things, or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections).
Emotional Reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true".
Should Statements: You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn'ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequences is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and Mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I;m a loser". When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him.
Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.
Original concepts by David Burns, M.D. FEELING GOOD - THE NEW MOOD THERAPY
I think I have seen a few of these today on the BB! For example, one was praised for being wise, but she DISQUALIFIED THE POSITIVE. Any guesses as to who it was?
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Great Work! Kudos to you!