Don't know what to do, fight for it or move on

[TRDiver]

A bit of journaling,

Dropped kids off with my wife this afternoon, it was friendly / cordial. I did mention it was nice to see her and she reciprocated. Did feel a bit awkward to see her, but not too bad. She invited me into her temporary place where she's staying for uni, and I checked it out for a bit and made the first move to leave after 5 to 10 minutes. She said bye, having been together for so long I could tell it was an earnest goodbye with a tone we used to have when married, the kind a tone only a husband would recognise, it was nice. I said see ya, whilst walking down the stairs.

As I hit the driveway, I slipped a bit unintentionally, as I mentioned I didn't have a place to stay in the area the next night (not tonight as had plans at a friends house for a BBQ / party and staying there) as original plan was for kids to stay one night but she changed them for two. So I mentioned I didn't have a place to stay, should I just head back to where I live for the next night (hour 20 min drive away). She said yeah. As finances are a bit strained, I was worried about petrol but as I drove away I realised she might think I was fishing to stay there - doh, totally not my intention and dint even think of that angle. If we weren't having troubles it would have been quite normal question / conversation as we used to bounce things like that around so maybe I'm over thinking it. Who knows.

Attended the BBQ / Party tonight. Had a great time, and it is a small world as friend hosting was friends with a lovely lady we knew in the town from when we lived there. Got to talking to her and turns out she was a WAW one time who returned and she sort of took me under her wing and I opened up about the situation. Was nice to explain it all and let some out.

She said don't give up hope and what turned her around was her husbands persistence over 18 - 24 months and it proved he cared. She hated his guts when she left and never thought a reconciliation was ever possible, but it happened. She and her hubby both said just don't give up hope and keep up the positive changes, was a recognition of the consistent actions + time we see here.

Met another bloke there who had been sober 3 years and a bit and it was really nice to hang with and chat, his wife asked why I quit and I explained it was consuming me. Everyone was awesome with this and it is so nice to be around people who didn't judge and were supportive.

On improvement I've been reading Winning your wife back before it's too late, Hope for the separated and When sorry isn't enough. I know a time should come when I apologise really well and ask her to forgive but not forget - without any expectations, but timing is key.

I also had a sponsor interview me and 'passed' and am starting the steps full press this coming week.

I was planning on going skydiving which I've always wanted to but haven't. I may instead spend the money on a first edition book my wife likes, as I have some extra money coming any day for some project work I've completed. One of the things I was bad about was gift giving and I believe it is one of my wife's languages. Before things went south I ordered a first edition of another book that had been lost and it arrived the day she left, even with things going bad she was thrilled to get it. I know Sandi's rules state no gifts, so I need to think this over carefully, but if I ordered it now it would probably arrive in a month or so. Not sure on it though, Lady tonight said her hubby kept sending her flowers and even though she hated at it first, over time they came to represent his persistence and that she started to look forward to his care in that regard. Again have to think this over as obviously no two situations are the same, but I know my wife really likes it when serious thought goes into gifts / things. Over the last two years I really put thought into things and she has previously expressed a lot of joy in that. Books are a passion, so I could make a random habit of giving her important ones. Again so etching to really consider.

For further GAL I need to think of things, but for now the party was really nice.