Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone is different and it's important to feel your emotions. Perhaps take an inventory of what your greatest fear is. The reality is that your m as you know it is over. Done. While jarring, that is not necessarily a bad thing.
Sounds like there is a big build up to the move out date? What's your fear with that?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Sounds like there is a big build up to the move out date? What's your fear with that?
The buildup is mostly in my mind, H hasn't even found a place yet.
One of my fears is having to tell the kids, they have no idea. Sept 1 is right after S18 goes to college and D11 starts a new school where she knows literally no one. D16 will be at the same school at least. I just think daddy walking out is a crappy way to start a new school year.
I am afraid of the financial situation, H makes about 5 times what I do and although he has agreed to continue to pay everything, I am concerned about how much he will be spending not living with us.
I am afraid that once he leaves he will be so blissfully happy with OW that he will never come back. I am afraid that he will start taking OW out in public and having me or my kids deal with that. I live in a big city but our community is very small-town.
I dread having to tell people. And no, I wont go around announcing it, but once everyone gets back from summer vacation there will be invitations from other couples. Or people asking about H at kids games, etc.
I feel like such a failure. I know it's not all my fault, not even mostly my fault, but I just feel like I should have been able to keep my man happy enough not to leave. I feel like everyone will look at me with pity.
I'm afraid that I will be lonely. I am lonely now.
I am afraid that the entire burden of childcare will be on me now. He did very little to start with, but now he'll have an excuse to do even less.
The list goes on. Many of these perhaps seem unreasonable, but this is just what came out when I started typing. I don't want to go back and edit to make myself sound better, this is real.
I'm so sorry you feel that way. You are not a failure and this is a process.
Yes, telling your kids will expletive. No doubt about that. When we told our kids (all 3 under 10) that we needed to tell them something, they asked if we were having a baby:( This was completely out of left field for them. It is heartbreaking to see them in pain and there is no way to sugarcoat that. However, they are doing surprisingly well for the most part as their Dad is definitely going through something major. I can't recall how involved your h is but just know that could change. Not to be a downer-just realistically.
Please protect yourself financially. While that is great that your h has offered to pay for everything, please know that could change. You must take care of you.
In regards to OW, I see varying opinions on this and this is mine. Don't waste much energy on her. I can't tell you it will when or if it will end although she isn't you. She doesn't have kids with your h and she doesn't know him like you do. Whatever goes up must come down.
Hang in there and be gentle to yourself. You are stronger than you know. You will see:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Good morning all. I need some help thinking through something. We are still working out the terms of a separation. One of the points addressed dating others. I said if H dated others (and he will because there is an OW) then our children were not to meet her, talk to her, see pictures of her anywhere, etc as long as we were married. He agreed. I initially stated that I would not date and truly have no intention of it. But should I leave that door open? The entire purpose would be to make an impact on H (she's moving on?). Is that wrong? And would he even care? Opinions?
Hi rppfl, just been reading your last few post and I think the thing that would concern me the most is the kids meeting the ow, I think it would be totally insensitive if H mentioned her to the kids or wanted them to meet her.
I live in a small town and see H and OW everywhere and it stings every time. He does not mention her to the kids and they have told me they have no intentions of meeting her.
It's so true what Georgiabelle says you are the mother of his children and you have a shared history together she will never come close to. I too am hoping the bubble will burst soon for my H.
Also wanted to add that when my H left 7 months ago he agreed to keep paying mortgage and transfer all the bills over to me. This has now changed and he wants me to pay more. He earns 3 times more than me. It seems his new life is costing more than he thought.
Take care xx
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Thanks Stacey. Our initial separation period is supposed to be four months. At that point we will decide what to do next. I'm hoping that he can honor his financial commitment for four months. And keep OW away from my children that long.
After thinking more about it today I'm leaning towards not pretending like I might date during the separation. I have no intention of dating, I have my clear reasons, and pretending like I might is only to manipulate H. I don't need to go there. Any opinions about that?
So last night I went to dinner with a Meet Up group which was a huge step for me. I'm generally very shy. But it was fun. Interestingly I knew about half the people that came into the restaurant after I got there which just reinforced how small town my social circle is. There is no way that H and OW won't be seen by someone I know when they start going out in public. That kills me.
I pick H and kids up from the airport tonight. Glad to have my kids back. And honestly I'm glad to have H back too, as wrong as that seems.
I picked up H and kids from the airport last night, it was good to see all of them. The dance continues.
We didn't talk about the separation agreement at all while H was still away. I expect that he'll bring it up now that he's back, possibly today. I dread that. Maybe I need to start trying to look at the separation as a good thing. Maybe it gives him a chance to miss me? Was it good for any of you? I'd love to hear some thoughts from you guys.
Well, I'll journal one more day and see if I get any response. It's discouraging to come here every day and not get any replies. I feel very rejected by H, and I'm a little over-sensitive I guess.
Last night didn't bring anything new. H came home from work at a fairly reasonable hour, in time for family dinner, and we spent the evening discussing things we need to get for S18's dorm room. All light and casual. This morning was fine also, we chatted about nothing in particular as we both got ready for work. It just all seems so normal, it's hard to believe that he's plotting his escape. Surreal.
