So last night I had S call to say goodnight as usual .... she sounded very chipper and happy which kind of bugged me but I let it go quickly keeping in mind I can not let the bad thoughts fill my head.
This morning I dropped off S with her as usual and she looked a touch stressed, I said goodbye to my S and wished her to have a good day, she asked why I have been so cold as of late ( Detaching I think is what she was referring to) I simply said I have not been cold in fact I have been pretty happy and nice with her, and it seemed she was being cold with me. I gave her a hug and went to leave and she asked me what I thought about the mediation appt. Not wanting to really get into it I replied that I honestly had not had time to think about it much, after we left I grabbed dinner with our S and we finished watching our movie, went to bed and then up and at it this morning and I would give it more thought today at work. She then asked me if it was what I wanted (A little hope here possibly? Maybe she is rethinking it? baby steps) ... I used the validation tip and told her no its not what I want, given the chance I would have done alot of things differently ... I have been making some progress and changes in my life that I am happy about, and left the topic at that.
So she started becoming upset ... a little background ... I had never completed my degree ... I was close but never seemed to have a chance, we bought a house, I was remodeling that, then we had our S ... then she lost her job for almost a year and I picked up more gigs on the side .. I busted my ass but was not ever enough it seemed. She is very career and driven ... I was in the same steady decent paying job for 17 years and DJ'd on the side for more and that was a big issue in our marriage. Since the separation I found a new better job... I was promoted within 4 months to GM. , only DJ the friday nights currently. The DJ thing I enjoy and it pays nice, I would drop it if we were to reconcile, but with ths amount I still give her plus my bills and expenses I do not want to let easy money go just yet.
This being said, the mediators talked about the child support and spousal support ... truth is I give her a good amount of money every month, if we were to go through with the D ... she would in fact be paying me and that drives her nuts. She seems to want me to keep paying and reward her decision to D and keep her high lifestyle, while my quality of living is significantly less (my punishment I assume) and I had told her in the past I will not be taken advantage of that way.
I have started getting myself into online courses so I can finish the degree ... have not made any mention to her something I am doing for me and my son.... however I do have a testing appt that I needed to switch days with her on so she does know that I am pursuing this though I kept it very short and low key, the classes are expensive but its the way I can get my degree complete without sacrificing time away from my GAL approach, paired with my resume I will be better off in 5 years no doubt. I said goodbye to her this morning as she was starting to get angry and yelling at me ...I detached/went dark .. did not pick up the phone after she immediately called twice nor did I respond to the nasty text.
Hope I handled the sitch correctly .. that Book can not get here fast enough ... lol
