I'm so sorry your going through this. A separation doesn't have to be the beginning of the end though. Take it day by day and focus on yourself and the things that make you happy. The space may actually give you both time to see what you really want.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
Thank you Heart. I'm having trouble seeing the separation as anything but the door to D, though. Right now I'm viewing it as a victory for H, it's what he's wanted all along, and it's a victory for OW because they can now spend all the time they want together. (Yes, I know it's not supposed to be a competition, but I'm being honest here.) For me, I'm struggling to figure out who I am and time alone is uncomfortable. I don't know what makes me happy anymore.
I have my first appt with IC tomorrow, and I'm kind of looking forward to that. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo right now, and hoping she can help point me in some sort of direction.
I just had a revelation about myself. Since BD, H never responds when I thank him for something. No "you're welcome" no response whatsoever. Up until today that bothered me. Today I realized that I do it because it's the right thing to do, it's for me and whether he acknowledges it or not is irrelevant. A little thing maybe but a shift in thinking for me.
So I just got back from my first appointment with IC. I'm not sure what was accomplished other than I cried a lot. It was a get-to-know-you session I suppose. She asked about growing up, about my parents marriage, about my kids and my job, in addition to the M. I'm still trying to remember and process.
One thing that does immediately come to mind is that she said I deserve and can have a way better marriage than I had, whether it's with H or someone else. And she felt like I had a good handle on who I am, which I felt like I didn't. She made the distinction between who I am and where I'm going, and said it's where I'm going that's not clear, not who I am inside. She gave me the task of doing some things for myself before the next appointment - in other words, GAL!
Heh rppfl. Keep strong as hard as that is. Especially when alone. That's what I find hardest myself. I'm GALing a lot more but it's still those quiet moments at night that I struggle. Sometimes when I'm like that I look through some other threads to give me strength. Perhaps if you read a number of them it'll give you more clarity of thought.
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
Thanks, bashy. I have read several threads here, and some of them seem almost the same as my sich. It's comforting to know there are other people out there in the same boat, even though I wish none of us were!
Hey DB-ers, just journaling here. It's amazing how my mental state changes from minute to minute for no reason other than my brain runs amok. My IC yesterday pointed out that the M over yet, but I feel like it is. I have that September 1 move-out date staring me in the face, and even though H hasn't mentioned it lately, I guess I'm just preparing myself mentally. It seems easier to think it's going to happen and how to deal with that instead of hoping that he might change his mind and not move. How do you guys deal with the narrative that goes on in your brains all day?
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I'm not and expert although I think everyone has to figure out with those reels of film in our minds. I think what has been most effective and beneficial for me is to not think in the future. Take everything as it happens as I never had control of that stuff in the first place.
One day at a time. If you feel yourself feeling anxious, take a deep breath and say to yourself that you can handle no matter what comes your way. And you can!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
If you feel yourself feeling anxious, take a deep breath and say to yourself that you can handle no matter what comes your way. And you can!!!
I am constantly anxious! At various points during the day I try to "take an inventory" and narrate what's going on at the moment, where I am, how my body feels, etc. This is something I read is helpful and the goal is to simply notice what is going on and be in the moment and not dwell on emotions. But the answer almost always includes that my chest is tight or my stomach is queasy, and that's the truth even without acknowledging any emotion that might be causing the physical effects. I feel like crying all the time, way more than I actually allow myself.
I am such a mess and I don't even know how to get a grip on myself. Shouldn't I be a little better at this three months in?
