Thank you 25yearsmlc , that letter did touch home and one I will need to read a few times ... this thick skull of mine, hard to unlearn all the bad traits that have piled up over the years.
WHILE it's hard to "Unlearn" bad habits, it's also harder to do it if you have no positive role models. Do you have any? If you do, talk to them! IF not, find some. It's so much easier to make the changes stick when you know what TO DO, as opposed to just knowing what Not To Do, (which many of us learned as kids when we saw our parents fight, retreat, not communicate and NOT resolve conflicts,)
...so a lot of us know what NOT to do, but what we all need as much, is to learn how to handle things that come up in life, with a healthy loving approach.
Life throws more curve balls at some couples than others; and some couples are subsidized financially or emotionally, by their families, in ways that greatly lessen the every day tensions. So it's not how many conflicts we face, but how many we resolve, that matters.
I do and have taken responsibility for my part in this .. even told her as much last night ... interesting part of that conversation .. and a topic she has brought up a few times as of late. I think she has noticed mt 180's ... she stated last night as she was starting to get upset that now I have fixed some of the issues that someone else gets to reap those benefits that I learned at her expense ....
Understood^^. NO WOMAN is going to enjoy the idea that her mate has, for instance, finally decided to "make time" for a r, but not with HER...and IF she believes the changes are real AND that they will last, it'll be awfully difficult not to wonder about her choice to leave. (And you want her to wonder...a lot.) Being annoyed at the start, is no reason she won't second guess her choice to leave and you want that second guessing!
I used to firs back "That could be you" but I have long since stopped saying that and just let it go. You can express understanding of her frustration. Your words herein were self deprecating and that's not a bad tone to take. You can say "Well, better late than never...??" OR "I wish I'd made these changes earlier too, b/c I LIKE who I'm becoming, but all I can do is go from this day forward..."
and then drop it. But validating her commentary seems appropriate, b/c it sounds valid, don't you think?
I read somewhere here the WAW doesn't really want me but hates the idea of be being with someone else ... Wow, Stop mind reading. How can someone apply a clause like that in the statement above, ^^^ and project it onto other couples? Yikes! I've never seen such a sweeping and dangerously negative presumption here.
WAWs' don't generally want to see their h's with OWS, but we don't KNOW if they want their h's back or if they want their h's back changed, or what.
EACH situation is different - even when they have things in common, there are NO "one size fits all" generalizations.
I did assure her there was no one as I am concentrating on me and still have alot of work to do but I am happy with my progress so far.
I suggest you not even bring up the concept of OWs. Just stay in your sandbox working on you, and monitor for results.
Sounds as if you have had some positives in your situation.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
