Upside Down You Turn Me

[Meredith]

I simply head to lunch to create a little martial mystery and wham – you guys do a ton of work! I’m so impressed!

Karen, those things that Betsey mentioned as her crazymaking are all mine as well. And you can add the thought of driving him away to bring him back to my list as well. Been there, done that and lost the husband over it.

Because, it works to a point. In the meantime, they’re miserable and we’re unappeasable. I remember the first Sweetest Day after I had our son, H got me a spa package. I cried…because I wanted a necklace and flowers. I had his child, damn it, and I deserved a necklace and flowers. WTF was wrong with me?!?!? In truth, I didn’t want the necklace, the flowers OR the spa package. I wanted quality time with my husband. Makes your head spin, huh? Mine too! And…it made him crazy as well.

Crazymaking is easy to identify but hard to overcome. Sometimes, the things that we do are so justifiable to us at the time that we don’t see the monster for the monster until it is over. I remember the crazymaking trigger for me was Betsey saying that she was going to tell her husband to sell the house because if they weren’t going to live in it together and pay the bills together then there wasn’t any point in having it. I AGREED WITH HER!!! Then I continued to read and she identified the behavior as crazymaking – why? Because she realized that she only wanted to tell him to sell the house because she wanted him to tell her that he didn’t want to sell it. Suddenly, I understood...

Are you familiar with the controlling behaviors list? That might be a good first step. I’d still recommend posting the pros and cons…they might help you to stick with achieving the goals that you posted yesterday. You married this man for a reason Karen – and the only thing that has changed is his behavior. That, my friend, can be changed back with a little patience, effort and zipping of the lips!