Finding my way - part 3

[Meghan]

Actually, I do think anger is a healthy place to be (as confirmed by pretty much everyone else that I know).

If nothing else, it feels like a step on the road to detachment. When I'm sad I'm worrying and wondering and allowing him to have control. When I'm angry I care less about what he thinks and do more things for myself. I'm not out to get him or anything, and I still treat him well, but I feel like the detachment is easier when I have some anger.

I've been concerned that I've been letting myself be stepped on by H. He has all the control, and there have been many times recently where I feel like he's been pushing my buttons. Last night was probably the biggest example, but there are many others.

If this relationship is going to work, we both have to change. He doesn't have to change now, and I get that he wants to see changes in me first. Feeling angry reminds me that change needs to happen for both of us and that if it doesn't, I run the risk of sacrificing myself and keeping myself unhappy for someone who won't take responsibility for his issues or work with me to change.