Oh, lots of good minnows to chew on!

Last night I stuck to the plan:
took migraine med., ha eventually went away.
quit crying (did not look all red & puffy when I got home.)
was pleasant, friendly, talked to h about the road bikes he was looking at on ebay. (It was too rainy to go hiking/biking.)

after a little while, I said that i was going to go get some food to cook, how does this sound? he said fine, I go, cook, we eat...my mom stops over, then she goes home and hears noises and wants h to come over. H & I go over. He packs his gun! I was surprised (I never thought I'd want to live with one in the house), we go over, we look upstairs and he walks around outside. I felt complete and utter admiration and pride for him. I totally trusted him and thought, "WOW! What a man!!" we go home, get to bed, snuggle, he init's . I DECIDE (Oh, i've been very cool, and unassuming all night) to be totally selfless, and ok, i brought him to tears. So, we snuggle some more and then he brings me to tears!!! WOW!!! I said, "It just keeps getting better and better!!"

There is more!!! He took my truk to work to fix the two license plate bulbs, well not only did he fix that, but one of my blinker lights, one of my dash lights, changed the oil, fixed my emergency brake, and is now replacing my antennae. I thanked him big! I asked what my bill was, but he did not answer.

In response to you wonderful women, I do all of the above!! As Dr. Phil would ask, "what is the payoff?" Like Sage said, it is getting him to the brink of rage and leaving, he comes back, and whammo, that's my payoff. He still loves me.

No, I've never heard of a SAD clock, I know about uv lights though...

Ok, I need to drop the "proving myself" and jumping through hoops. I'd put the hoop in my closet, but there's no room. How 'bout and just toss it with the garbage??

I am commitment phobic and afraid of abandonment. What's weirder is that I'm more afraid of him staying with me and neglecting me rather than leave. ? Make sense? Much like my parent(s) did. I am so HUGE on not being taken for granted that I am hyper-vigilant.

I feel the biological time clock ticking. I will be 35 in August and would like to have kids some day!

*I'm always ambivalent!

Whoa, total similarities in UD's c-making!!! Never believing what h says...

I think I did well last summer b/c I really was afraid that h WOULD leave. Now, it's just kinda like, "well, he's still here, yadda yadda." (over-generalizing to make a point). So, I AM TAKING HIM FOR GRANTED!!!

What you fear is what you create. Yep, I know it.

Thanks for not hitting me!!!
karen