Upside Down You Turn Me

[Underdog]

Karen,

I can't agree MORE with Meredith and Sage here--about the crazymaking.

In the height of my crazymaking adventures (I was pretty unhappy at the time), I would continually pick fights with Mr. Wonderful. These fights would always begin about something else, but the body of them would be the same every time:

1. You don't love me, do you? (He would answer yes, and then I would point out all the reasons why I chose to believe he was lying.)
2. You ignore me. (Wow, I wonder why?)
3. You value your time away from me and the girls more than your time with us. (I planted the seed.)
4. No matter what you say or do, it's a lie in my head.
5. I want out.

Karen, the reason Mr. Wonderful moved out was a compilation of a lot of things. But I really don't feel that he would have chosen to leave if I hadn't have continually planted seeds in that garden, cultivate them, and then encourage them to flourish. He is not the "leaving" kind of guy, really.

And in his final tirade to me when he was walking, he screamed back at me, "Betsey, I don't know why the hell you're so upset: this is what you've wanted for years! Now leave me the hell alone!"

Karen, it still hurts like hell to type those words. Because I know that what he said was what he thought were true--after all, I said those words, and I said them with conviction and OFTEN.

I drove him away because I had a fear of abandonment, and I got it.

I promise you that if you continue to throw those sort of words and actions out there, you will get what you're asking for.

Do you have a fear of abandonment or something else that is driving you to look for the negative in your life with him?

I'm not carrying a 2x4, so please don't fear speaking up here. I think that getting this out in the open once and for all is going to clue you in on why you behave the way you do with him.

I really don't want to see you head down my path, Karen. It's a pretty lonely trip, full of remorse and regret.

Hugs,

Betsey