MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART III

[ItHurts]

Hey Guys, actually no, I just referred to books in general. She just left here and we had a really great conversation. She admitted actually that I shouldn't fault myself because honestly she's not even sure any of that flowers-dates-calls would've worked anyway. She said she was a mess at that point. We really cleared things up, especially about the almost-OM.

Apparently since the day he proclaimed his love for her in our kitchen he was sending her love songs online, feeding her the words she wanted to hear...the EA stuff...and she said she took the bait hook, line and sinker. Then once she met up with him and a bunch of others on that trip, she said she knew before they even got there that he was a liar as he started drinking. So she said her involvement with him was over before it even began. I explained "grass is always greener" to her and she said that's exactly what it was...she described it as the fantasy wasn't the reality and I realized it two hours after I was in his presence and he started drinking. She said it was because of the strong woman I made her be, that she realized he wasn't good enough for her. She said if it wasn't for her years with me and how well I treated her, she wouldn't be the strong woman she is today.

She is relocating in a effort to find herself. She said I need to do this. She said I don't know if I'll stay there forever or not...that she may hate it...but she said she has to try this for herself. She needs to do something for herself. She said that I set the bar very high as far as what she expected from men in the future. She said that she doesn't know if our paths will find each other together again but she doesn't want me to wait around.

She knows about the lady I've been seeing somewhat informally for the past couple months. She was happy for me that I had someone to talk to as she also is coming out of a long term relationship.

We talked about things, cleared a lot of things up. It was basically our final good-bye because she wants to be friends but I can't, I need to move on because it would be a lie feeling as I do for her. So it will be a long, long time now before I ever see her again. She leaves the end of September and is moving down there to live with her friend. It was a very tearful and emotional visit and good-bye. She lost it a couple times, I lost it a couple times. We are still so close yet so far apart it seems. But today was all about total honesty with each other and at this point DB'ing won't help me. Once she lives in Florida I will barely see her so the chance of an R now are remote at best unless it's some long time down the road...at which point I will likely be way further along in my GAL.

So I guess I spoke too soon when I said DB'ing didn't work as she admitted she wasn't certain any of the flowers, dates, etc would have worked anyway. She said she doesn't know. She definitely isn't shifting blame though, if anything she spent a good part of our conversation talking about her mistakes. We both always agreed we were both at fault for what happened to us. We talked more about that today.

It was easily the most open and honest and detailed discussion we've had over everything to-date. We both have clearer heads now going into today and it really was a very nice final conversation together, as nice as something that awful could be. We both really laid EVERYTHING on the table so I didn't just reveal DB'ing to her on a whim. She was sharing some deep stuff and confessions as well. She said it means so much to her to know that it was because of books I read that I was acting that way. She said it hurt her so much because she felt like she never really meant anything to me...that I moved on so quick and so suddenly. She said contrary to what your book told you...only a very strong man would tell me this...you are far from weak and needy. She said you have more women after you than Don Juan ever since I left, I don't think a needy guy has that.

So honesty is the best policy, this is the end of the road with us for the most part so there was no point in holding back, she wasn't so I wasn't going to. I don't think it hurt any chance there is for R some time down the road anyway. She took my DB'ing efforts as a very positive thing and said that it only showed her more how wonderful of a man I am and how it makes her leaving so much harder.

As she continued to cry a bit she said she has to do this...for herself. She needs to prove to herself that she can make decisions and stick to them. She needs to prove to herself she can survive on her own since she went straight from her parent's house back in 1996 to living with me. She said she never found herself and that she is not worthy of someone like me right now...that she needs to love herself first. She said I've always known my identity, who I was, what liked and disliked...she said for her she has no idea about any of that about herself. She said I am going to miss you so, so much and you are part of me forever. You are always there in my heart and I hope one day that you can at least drop me an e-mail to check in with me. She said I don't want to lose track of you but I understand that right now it's hard to be friends with me. She said I don't want you totally out of my life but it's unfair for me to ask you to wait for something I'm not sure will happen. I want you to be happy she said.

So she got up to leave and we hugged tight for a few minutes...cried...had a tearful good-bye. We kissed a couple times and she said I love you, I told her I love her too. Then she started crying as she left. I asked her why she's crying so hard now all of a sudden. She said because I do that all the time after I see you...I wait until I leave to lose it in the car. I have to be strong for you so you don't cry if I do.
So she left, drove away, and I watched until her car disappeared down the road. Sad times folks, the last few months concludes like that it seems.
You are all wonderful people here...thank you for everything...truly and I will keep you posted if for some reason there is another encounter with her but I'm pretty sure this was it today for a long, long time.