Some very good questions and discussion on your thread. When it comes to mean MLCers, listen to Bea. She can give you some really good advice.
Lois, I also really like Bea's quote about the two types of marriages. I think it's true. I also think we could add to that two different types of people who go into MLC - 1. Ones that were good, normal people beforehand then had a total internal personality meltdown and 2. Ones that were jerks then go into crisis and all their bad traits are multiplied by 1000.
My H falls under #1, which is how I knew something was drastically wrong. There's being unhappy in your marriage - then there's becoming a total opposite of the person you were before. It's disturbing to see, sad.
MLC is still such a mystery. There are plenty of people who had bad childhoods, traumatic events early in life, etc. that don't go into crisis. So, I think it does seem to be true about the lack of coping skills.
Oh, and timelines - YIKES!!! Because they hide so much from us and everything is internal, it's hard to say exactly when all the unrest within them starts. The denial and anger stages can start years before bomb or us recognizing that there might be a problem. I also believe they can be working through things internally - or not - without us being aware. I remember a friend of mine describing an MLC brain as a hornets nest (or was it beehive? I swear my memory has taken a hit with all of this too!) anyway, it's very noisy and confusing up in there, and best if you stay away to let them sort it all out.
Let us know how you're doing
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
