She isn't caring how much pain she inflicts on anyone because this isn't about anyone but her.
Why don't you try something new? You make plans for Friday night that do not involve her. Don't tell her what they are but keep yourself busy.
Right now I realize how hard it is for you, but you have to pull yourself together. You are a seperate person and no one controls your emotions but you. I went through this 6 years ago and it is so strange realizing what I know now. I feel awfully grateful that people stuck with me until I got it. I am trying to offer you a path, not necessarily a shortcut but a path to get back to you and a life you can be proud of. None of us can say your wife will come back but I believe we are all trying to give you the best shot. Work on yourself.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory