I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with having contingency plans at this stage, mdu, and I think it's very different from the "stinkin' thinkin'" stuff we've been slapping you about occasionally. "Have hope for the best, but plan in case the worst" to slightly modify that popular phrase, I say.
Could you possibly move into a decent-sized TOWNHOME, or even single-family home RENTAL? One whereby the lawn and even home maintenance are the owner/landlord's responsibility, but you're still giving your kids a safe, comfortable home? One whose size is suitable for the 3 of you if it came to that, but still comfortable for your husband if he comes back and fully commits to the marriage?
Just a thought. Having a 2-year rental on a good-sized single-family home that was in both of our sons' school boundaries (so they didn't have to change schools during an already-difficult sitch) was a really good piece of my wife's and my reconciliation, that worked out well.
