MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART III

[ItHurts]

Hi Thorn. I am doing okay. How have you been? I have to catch up on your sitch here at some point. My life has been so busy with the move and getting settled in a new life and all.

So the e-mail correspondence with the exWAW went okay I guess. She still in adamant that she is not good for me right now, that I deserve better than her. I will say this, I may be a rare exception but DB'ing actually turned out to hurt me more than help me. You see, the exWAW told me that there were many times where she seriously considered getting back together...but that I was too busy going out, being happy, and moving on. She said not once did you send me flowers, ask to take me to dinner, or anything to show you wanted me back. Instead you didn't miss a beat after I left. So GALing killed me I guess. I should've been pursuing her I guess. That really hurt. She also said that I never once tried to contact her, that it always had to be her who contacted me. So it seems that almost everything that DB suggested I do actually did way more harm than good. So I came clean and told exWAW that I was reading books (I didn't tell her which one specifically) and that they recommended all the things I was doing. This way she understands that I was actually trying desperately to win her back by NOT contacting her. I explained to her how pursuing her would've made me look weak and needy which would make me unattractive. She said no it wouldn't have.
So this really hurts, I should've just pursued her and maybe things would be different now.

Today I meet with her at noon to go cash the security deposit check. I have talked to her about coming home where she belongs and she said if she thought she could find herself and be with me at the same time she would be here in a heartbeat. So I guess all is lost. Now she moves to Florida the end of September and that will probably be it. She said she still loves me and wants to be friends but she understands that that is painful for me as long as I am still in love with her. She said she hopes one day that I can be because she never wants to lose track of me. She said she doesn't know if finding herself will lead back to me or not, but that I deserve better than for her to ask me to wait for something that may or may not happen.
I will try again today to talk to her as we do plan to talk a bit today too now that I've come clean about DB'ing. She said she wishes she knew it was because of books that I was ignoring her...she said she thought it was because she hid the almost-OM from me that I wanted nothing to do with her.
So I guess this is it guys, this is brutally painful...even moreso now since DB'ing completely and totally backfired on me and did way more harm than good.
In any event, I will let you all know how today goes in my next post. I hope all of your sitches are improving. I wish you all the best of luck.