I knew that there was the possibility of it being looked at as pursuing, but it was one of the things that came out in my own counseling and I felt that it was worth sharing. I made no mention on it about loving her or even the mention of the word sorry.
I looked at another member's post right now, and it made me remember that these steps are for me, not her, but I can see certain things getting to my WAW that she used against me yesterday.
I leave her hanging on not taking all of her calls, which is something that I never used to do during our relationship, and she responds with "it's about the kids, you need to call". I show up to D8 birthday party dressed nice in clothes she didn't remember, and she says I'm out buying new clothes. I am out getting a life and going wakeboarding and spending time with friends, and she reinforces that she never does anything.
However, I take a look at myself now, understand my baggage and my contribution to our M taking a bad turn and own what I contributed to the M going bad. My friends that I talk to notice a change in me based on tone and attitude, and I feel better personally about myself than at any time (including the last few months we were in the same house together). It's that realization that reinforces that this process is for me. However, knowing that I am trying the LRT approach, I sit back asking myself is anything going to change, will it be gradual, will my anniversary on Saturday be an enlightening time for her to come around?
I still wrestle with her telling D8 that the two of us are trying to work on things, but everything with me has been it's over and even yesterday the phrase "when this whole thing is final" I find myself asking myself is what she says to me frustration because she doesn't want to be pursued or is what she is saying to my kids false hope. I can't press her on that because it will be relationship talk, but it makes me wonder, because my kids know that I want my M restored and us all in the same house.
