Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate, and be brutally honest. You want to whap me, ok, but I have questions. I think this is what stops me from going on...See, I just don't know HOW to think. Not to be lame, but as I have said before, I want to get better, but don't know HOW. I go to C's-they say you need to feel better about yourself, but I don't know HOW. I need CONCRETE, TANGIBLE HELP!!!
I DO think that I am worth it, I just think that H should ACT like I am!!! I deserve to be cleaned up for and taken out & shown a good time. I deserve the effort. I am a HOT woman-most men would LOVE to ML with me all the time. I have never had any prob's with this before, but then again, have never been with anyone this long before.
We talked about romance before we got married. I pretty much felt that if he didn't want to be romantic/KLA, make effort for the R, etc., then he wasn't the guy for me. He said he wanted to be more expressive/emotional, etc.
I think that I take it personally b/c IT IS personal. He consistently does these things-stays out late, plays pool, gets spiffed up, helps decide where to eat, etc. with his friends, but NOT with me.
And, I think that if he were to ever say that he is disappointed about something, that I would validate his feelings and offer to help remedy the sit. Prob. is that I feel like he NEVER validates my feelings. I just want to be heard.
Quote: I suspect if you start making your h feel as though he is good enough in his actions towards you, Karen, he'll surprise you with how much more he can give. I also suspect if you keep making him feel as though nothing he does is enough...well, he'll pull back more.
I believe that this is true, but I've got this frickin' rope held so tightly in my hands. I don't know how to let go.
I just feel like telling him that if I am not worth the effort, or if he doesnt' know if he wants to be with me or not, then to NOT. Why string me along? I feel like I am being taken for granted. I feel like he slapped me across the face yesterday. "I want to spend time with you, but only 2 hours..." It just feels so conditional to me - his "if you get better...if you would only..." I feel like it is ALL on me, and I don't think that he is perfect and wish he would just admit it sometime and say, "gee, ya know what? I am being non-communicative, let me come up with a straight answer." Or "gee, ya know what, I really do want you, how can I help you believe that?" "Oh, you want romance? What can we do that would be fun to you?" And, I have spelled these things out to him. We have talked about it, we played a game that talked about it, and once he even asked ME for feedback on how to be more sexy...Does he do it? NO! Why not?
Because HE doesn't want to be controlled? b/c he doesn't think I deserve it? b/c he doesn't think I am worth it? b/c he doesnt' want to expend any energy besides just sitting and drinking a beer? Yes, he is present physically, but emotionally?
That's what it seems like to me.
thanks for letting me air my dirty laundry. I don't think you are being harsh, Sage, I am just letting you guys know how I think & feel so I can get support and help to change it. If I am totally twisted and off-base, ok, I need to know. I need to know what to replace these thougts with...
