I think I've had a lifetime of powerful "Heather can't handle life" messages...both from others and--especially myself--I think this journey of Smokey's creation has finally forced me to deal with the past hurt/rejection/grief/abuse I've been carrying. I'm slowly embracing my own worth and value.
When I get quiet, I can still see this little girl huddled in a corner after years and years of neglect...she is in the darkness and afraid to take God's hand to come into the light...she was hurt so many times...much of this was my own doing because I believed the messages swirling around me...and some wasn't my own doing...but, I wasn't strong enough to fight it. Now I am.
Didn't take a phone call from my mom yesterday. I knew she would ruin the buzz of getting the job and the $450.
As I write this, I realize D11 has a similar quality. She is very sensitive to criticism. She takes things to heart and when her sister makes off hand comments...D11 takes them and buries them deep. I need to address this with her. She needs an extra strong sense of self to fend that criticism off and D20 needs to shut the he!! up.
99.5 % won't do.
I'm getting there. I've need to do this in a quiet, safe way...taking small steps out of the darkness.
Last edited by LoisB; 07/31/1401:07 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
