1 step forward 1000 steps back - part 4

[mdu]

Had a great night out with a friend; dinner, great conversation and a movie at her place. H sent a couple of logistical texts, which I didn't reply to until very late because I did not take my phone with me.

Woke up this morning with another knot/nausea in my stomach but this one was very small compared to yesterday morning. I'm actually starting to wonder if it's somehow related to getting used to the AD's I'm taking.

I've been thinking about all the things that frighten me about being alone so I can work on conquering them, I'd like to work on being more confident and independent.
*Finances -- investments and bills don't scare me but not having ENOUGH money definitely does
*the House -- potentially having to move, feeling overwhelmed by home maintenance
There are actually several other things that I worried about when H and I first separated that I've been pleased to find are more manageable than I expected.

In terms of Finances, I've figured out a budget and the problem is I can't afford this house alone. H would have to be willing to agree to pay above and beyond CS so the kids and I could stay here, I'm hoping he would for a couple of years so we can offer them some stability if it comes to D. Home maintenance is another related worry because with Finances so tight, I wouldn't have much $$ to outsource things that would be tough for me to manage on my own.

I keep trying to remind myself that lots of people do this on their own, there's no reason I can't, there's got to be a way! Right now my plan is to try to take care of a bunch of home maintenance things relatively soon while H and I are still together and finances combined. Get myself well positioned for at least the next year.

I know folks may think I'm jumping the gun thinking through all this but it actually comforts me to plan for the worst. Uncertainty generates a lot of anxiety for me. If I know I can handle things either way I think that will do a lot to help calm my moods.