Ox, you live in the same home but not in the same bedroom and I assume that it's a pretty big house, no. You don't need to be a jerk to her, but just go about your own business. That's it. It's really that simple. Why are you making this so hard? Ask yourself that.
Ox, you live in the same home but not in the same bedroom and I assume that it's a pretty big house, no. You don't need to be a jerk to her, but just go about your own business. That's it. It's really that simple. Why are you making this so hard? Ask yourself that.
I feel for you, I really do. But I have to be honest that I am flabbergasted at how little of this sinks in for you. .... Can you try answering your own questions? What have you learned here in all the months you've been here?
What did you do wrong? What should you have done instead? How would you interpret her responses to you? You can't be that thick-headed...can you?
I am really at a loss here with this. ... Can you just answer my questions?
^^^ Is it really true that you are at a loss as to how to answer your questions? Then, my recommendation would be to re-read carefully ALLLL the posts and replies you've had from this board. The answers are there.
We all make mistakes and slip up and have setbacks. But if you really feel, still, at this point, that you have NO idea what you are doing wrong, then I'm not sure anyone will be able to help you. You have to be willing to help yourself.
As an experiment, could you take a stab at answering your own questions? That would show where you've gotten some growth, or what you are misunderstanding about all the advice you are getting.
You just woke me up. Its like I regressed. I remember as a sophomore in college one of my professors in my major accused me of asking manipulative questions as a way to get him to answer his own questions or do the work for me.
Its what I seem to be doing here.
Funny thing is I have become one heck of a salesman probably by using these techniques...but I can see how I make people nuts..Sorry,,,
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I texted back "do you want company, I will be home between 4:30 and 5 PM?
I realize now I should not have responded to her text and I should not have asked this question at all. If I did respond I could have wrote, have a nice lunch say hi to S16 for me.
She texted back about two hours later "Whatever u want to do is fine with me..."
Not sure what that means or what I should do?
If I did not ask her this would not be a question. If when I got home she asked if I wanted to go at that point I could have said yes, if she asked me to dinner (which she did) again I could have said yes at that point. If I just came out and said no it would have seemed passive-aggressive or manipulative.
I responded "K". But still not sure what I should do?
The answer I gave was one I learned to give when she gives me a passive aggressive response or question, however had I NOT ASKED in the first place then I would not be replying.
Ox, you live in the same home but not in the same bedroom and I assume that it's a pretty big house, no. You don't need to be a jerk to her, but just go about your own business. That's it. It's really that simple. Why are you making this so hard? Ask yourself that.
I do this at home. I do not pursue her at all. I give her all the space she needs.
She still shares the master bathroom with me, so when she uses it I stay far away. There is a dressing room between the Master Bed-room and the Bathroom. she will usually slide that closed if I need to get into the bedroom (to get to sleep or if I already am sleeping).
Last night she did this for example. When I walked in the bedroom she was complaining out loud about something. I made the mistake of asking if shes alright and I got one of those snotty "I am fiiiinnneeee Ox'. I know shes exhausted etc..This is something I need to 180 big time. Our entire marriage that question would set her off when something was bothering her.
Here is why I realize that I have to detach more: To protect Ox!
Last night at Dinner S21 came into the conversation.
She said she knows hes upset about what is going on, but
"He has to grow up"
"Don't I deserve to be Happy"
I looked at her and commented " So all that matters is your happiness? not the boys or mine or our family"
All she said was "Come-on your Happy Ox"
I have been warned that with WW its all about them but this was proof in the pudding.
Also gives me reason to really avoid most conversation with her. Not in a Jerk type of way.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Here is why I realize that I have to detach more: To protect Ox!
Last night at Dinner S21 came into the conversation.
She said she knows hes upset about what is going on, but
"He has to grow up"
"Don't I deserve to be Happy"
I looked at her and commented " So all that matters is your happiness? not the boys or mine or our family"
All she said was "Come-on your Happy Ox"
I have been warned that with WW its all about them but this was proof in the pudding.
Also gives me reason to really avoid most conversation with her. Not in a Jerk type of way.
My wife made some similar statements during her affair. When told by her brother how horribly upset her parents were about the whole thing, she coldly said "Well they just need to get over it." And similar statements about the older kids, who knew about her affair.
It's entitlement. Affairs are initially ignited by resentment, and then FUELED by entitlement.
