I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

Thank you, MLP. I honor your story and everything you're going through. I have two good friends here in the Bay Area who have undergone similar betrayals with men who have not had ANY remorse and simply moved on with their OW. I know from their stories just how deep that rupture can be.

I'm trying to begin to look at this entire experience as an opportunity for me to FINALLY learn to be the man she (or anyone) could trust. To be the man who gets affirmation from WITHIN, rather than from anything bright, shiny, and new.

I'm 2.5 months out from D-Day. Not very long, yet an eternity. And I'm FINALLY at the point where I'm ready to ask, "What is the work I need to do?" rather than "How do I get her back?"

What does it look like? What is the "the work" I do tomorrow morning? Or tonight? Or in my interactions with my clients?

Right now, it looks like this:
- Zero Coping Behaviors (aside from Facebook and LOTS of calls to my support network), so no drugs, dating, sex, porn, masturbation, or shopping, and nothing more than social drinking.
- Daily Meditation and Rituals (15 min Vipassana and reciting a "Live Honorably" thing I wrote, dedicated to be ancestors)
- Therapy 2X weekly
- 12 Step (Alanon and SAA) as often as I can go
- Daily calls with my sponsors in each program
- Support to two female friends who have been betrayed and left by their partners

Are there other practices you all recommend? Daily readings? Special retreats? I'm going full-court-press on this. I will NEVER be happy if I don't dig this out at the root. I will NEVER honor the pain I have caused this woman if I don't do the work on myself.

Should I write a blog post about the affair and post it for all the world to see? Should I come clean and apologize publicly? Should I own it and provide some resource for other men who might be thinking of straying?

What else can I do?

Thank you,
DB