Debi, you are doing so well at thinking positively! How do you do it???
Last night h & I talked about going to see a band. My uncle had mentioned going out with us on Thursday, but when I told him where we planned to go he wasn't interested b/c he wants to go try to pick up women! Fine w/me I thought! I talked with h about fear and how I continue playing the stupid cassettes from my fam. I told him I need a new CD! We also talked about how I feel guilty for being happy around my family! What is that??? They are adults and responsible for their own happiness, but I know my mom has been very jealous of me in the past, and most of my fam. just wants to commiserate. Or maybe it's me that brings on the commiserating. ie talking negatively, always talking about my probs and analyzing my r. What if i only talked about wonderful things???
I shared with h how I love to open my heart up to him and love him unconditionally, but how it freaks me out. He already knows this stuff, but I just felt like talking to him again about it. He was supportive. We decided to order fried chix and eat it. Then we got lazy and decided not to go out. Prior to din. I asked when I could kiss him all over. (I deliberated and wanted to say something else rather than the usual "wanna get naked? or are you gonna do me, etc.") Not the most romantic phrases, but we have just joked around that way in the past. I thought I should focus on doing for him rather than always wanting for me.
He hemmed a little and said maybe later. I asked if he needed time to warm up, he said he didn't know. so, I get into bed, and he comes to and starts . I was somewhat confused and then a little gunshy if you know what I mean. I asked if he was just teasing me, and told him I felt gunshy and asked him to do more kissing first. (Now, I needed to warm up.) He says my getting upset is a turn off, but then I get turned off when he doesn't act like he wants it. Uh??? confusing?
I just can't decide to back off in that area or be the hot mama that I am. Any opinions??
So, today, he was only home for a little more than an hour and he took a nap. I just left him alone. We are going out separately tonight. I am looking forward to spending some time w/a new(ish) friend (We play vball together) and some of her friends. They may be 9 or so years younger than me, but who gives a flyin' fart???
I am feeling somewhat scared, but I decided to DB my butt off, regardless of how I feel.
++he did call me after work to let me know that he was getting a haircut, asked when I was leaving etc. when he said good=bye, he said that he wouldn't be back before i left, so have fun...I wished him good luck and to have fun too!
I need to give up this nagging-I continue to think "he's not doing this FOR me, he's not doing that FOR ME, etc." I am sure that he will get all spiffy to go out w/his friends when he hasn't been getting too spiffy to do stuff with me. But, he says this is b/c of where he goes w/them-nightclubs. oh, that helps. We try to go to cheaper places to eat, etc., so he dresses down. Why do I care about this sh!t? When we first started dating I didn't care.
I know-I need to get decked out and have a great time myself. And, get home after him...how will I do that? I'm going to a movie and to play pool, I don't know if this friend stays out until 2. I can take a book to read until 2 am ! ha ha...
I may have met some climbing friends! Some people from the bike club are going on wed. to the climbing gym. I made plans for din. w/a friend but will see if she wants to come or can reschedule if she doesn't mind. My other friend wants to go too if she can-she has decided to be more adventurous, and I just happen to know the person for her to do that with!!
H asked me if I wanted to meet some people for din. next sat. from the Ford Lightning club that he is now in. Another ++ that he is including me on this stuff. It depends on the weather though and we are trying to hook up w/another couple so the guys can make beer and the girls can goof off and then we can all play cards. I also might go out with my cousin next week, if she will make and keep a commitment to do something with me!
. I was somewhat confused and then a little gunshy if you know what I mean. I asked if he was just teasing me, and told him I felt gunshy and asked him to do more kissing first. (Now, I needed to warm up.) He says my getting upset is a turn off, but then I get turned off when he doesn't act like he wants it. Uh??? confusing? 
