So I've been lurking here for a couple days, decided to register as it looks like so many people here have gone through what I am going through. Long story, but I will try to get to the point of where I am as quickly as possible.
WAW and I have been together 24 years, married 14 with one child. She left in November ... took till January to admit there was a OM which I suspected but she denied constantly. I really wish I would have found this site the day after she left I think I would have avoided so many mistakes I made .... but over the past couple months I have actially been doing alot of the DB suggestions not knowing it at the time through the help of some friends and my IC.
Since she left me I have done some good things with myself, I changed jobs and have done very well with my new one, type of job I dress well every day, better hours with alot more freedom to take time off for my son ( Never had that before). I found myself ... found God and have been going to church and reading the bible, giving my worries to Him which has helped me ten fold, take my son every time and she has actually been going with us .. she was more religious than I was but not anymore. I've been working really hard at being patience ... its so difficult for me but baby steps I am improving in that area. I am getting my motorcycle license in the next couple weeks... something I always wanted to do but never wanted to deal with that fight with her.
We hit a bit of a turning point a couple weeks ago. I had discovered through an innocent talk with her sister, that back in April/May when the WAW and I were going to MC (Was not working and we stopped after only 3 sessions after WAW had a blow up with the MC *red flag here).... anyways the sister told me that the OM was nothing like the man I am, he is self centered and all about himself ... told me he forgot her birthday and mothers day and that upset the WAW ... also upset me because she had told me he was out of the picture and she had not seen nor spoke to him which later I discover was all a lie. Anyways I was upset/betrayed (again) and set some pretty firm boundaries (IC idea) ... which upset her and we had a fight. I am not one to yell or name call ... but that day I did ... I actually felt good about what I called her, I know it hurt her but its like I needed to say it ... as far as I was concerned the marriage and relationship were over and I chose to start living my life for me at that point. That night I told her I just wanted to get through the D peacefully and be done with it. She had started the process back in March but stopped after I was there for her during a medical issue she had (We had not had sex in 3 years over what we were lead to believe was a medical condition ... turns out she is all better and has had sex with him ... something I am still trying to come to terms with) .. making her want to try to save our marriage back in April and May (Little did I know the OM was still in the picture).
Currently it feels like she is on the ropes, she has been making contact texting me throughout the day .. sharing her day and thoughts .. I have been polite and positive ..even supportive and avoiding at all costs any R type talk. When I drop off our son she gives me a nice hug. She tells me she is alone (I don't buy it .. I know the OM is still in the picture I just think he is not as available as she wants). She will text/call me late at night ... she cant sleep I will text back but not really engage in any R talk. She asked me a couple days ago if I was ok .. I told her I had a rough therapy apppt and am still trying to deal with some things (Its hard to hide anything from a woman who knows you in and out), but bottom line I was sorry for everything I put her through in our marriage ... sincerely apologized and told her I just wanted her happy. She replied that she isn't happy because the R she has with the OM "Isn't complete" ... I took this as a win .. baby steps .. through out the past 8 months she leaves little cracks open like this that I used to jump at ... I just left this one alone and told her I hope she had a nice day and I left. She has a habit of using me emotionally and once she feels all better she casts me aside, I get frustrated with that but have started to really detach so its helped.
Anyways thats where I am at currently... the limbo kills me .. I do find myself obsessing over her constantly but I do not engage in contacting her... I have been good about that. I have issues with the affair and what she has done ... but I would love to work this marriage out, just took me a long time to realize she needs to come back on her own .. me manipulating her will not result in anything long term.
