Well, I think I just messed up...AGAIN. Last night went hiking w/my uncle w/a hike/bike club. Heard h talking about a few things w/uncle and another guy-things that I have asked him to do that he said no. So, I ASSumed that he didn't want to do these things with ME.
I got upset, and said, "don't you want to bike w/me?" He got mad and said, "Did I ever say that?" me, well no...so, this went on for a while. He had reasons for why he didn't do the other stuff before, ie wanting to be in better shape, etc.
I ask why all he hears from me is "you're an a-hole," and he explains. I agree-it is true. I jump to conclusions-and it goes all black (as in black/white-no in betweens and assuming the worst, never giving him the benefit of the doubt). I keep envisioning us having a last fight where we agree to separate/divorce. I keep having these images/thoughts in my head-I'll think, "well, if this is the way he's going to be, then I don't want to be with him, etc." and build up this rage and out it comes. Then I realize what is really going on, think, oh, he's not an a-hole, and want to be with him, and then I am sorry.
I feel bad. Things were going really well, I sent him a nice email yesterday flirting and telling him thanks for giving me so much attn, affection, and affirmation lately.
I called my uncle to apologize and he was fine, but kept giving me his thoughts and opinions, but then saying that he is not a good person to ask. I said, I am not asking, I don't want you to give me advice or feel like you need to solve this. I guess I just wanted to explain to him what happened/vent. He is my mom's bro, and has just as skewed views of m's and r's as she does-just different! He told me that men and women do not make good mates! I said, "well, I don't want to be w/girls, I like boy parts!" And, I don't agree w/that statement at all-God made m's and f's to go together-to create a balance, the trick is getting the balance to work!!
