Individual counseling (IC) or Marriage counseling (MC) as a couple?
IC - fine, she can go any time. An IC may be able to help her dump the anger/resentment, but will probably affirm her decision to leave you, since the IC will only hear about how horrible you are.
MC - a good idea, but only after she has stopped A and given up OM. Otherwise, W will guide the MC to essentially give her permission to leave what she will describe as a horrible M. You will be there, but totally on the defensive, rebutting a rewritten marital history with a counselor who has no perspective. Do not go to MC to try to save your M if she is still in an A.
And if all you want is for her to be able to forgive, well forgiveness is something that a person does for themselves, to lessen that "burning heart". You really can't help her with that, it's a personal skill to be learned. If that's the only reason for you to go to MC, and she's still in an A, I would stay far away from that.
