Yesterday, we made business purchases out of our province.... and then he says "road trip"... i shrugged it off with a "pfft". Later, he mentions that he was serious... maybe even bring DD too. This is NOT just a business trip... he is viewing it as a mini holiday that we both NEED. A time to spend together. Getting along.
BUT..... not suggesting "commitment" or working on things.... its just more of his "connection time", that satisfies him.
I am not sure what to say about this..... what satisfies me?
Keeping the focus on me and being truthful, I am not sure I can "handle" going & not want to make something out of it. On the flip side, it sure would be nice to get away from the business & be with the 2 that I love.
Of course I WANT to go... but, does doing so make me look like I am accepting crumbs? or does missing out hurt only me?
I know its wrong to ask... what does this trip mean? Is it business or personal? ...that is pressure and controlling. He would feel pressured by this questioning & fluff it off and say "I just thought it would be nice to get away, have fun"
But, how will I know HIS truth... when he's being just too casual??
Is his "casual" his truth? THATS IT? (he has mentioned many times about wanting to "see" where it goes... no commitment).... GRRRR
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This morning we were briefly discussing how difficult and stubborn his mom is & how he is not. We giggled. He said he is trying to change & is working on that. He mentioned about my changes with "dog with a bone", and he has noticed I have changed.
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Last night was good. I had a women's meeting that I left feeling good about myself.
Tonight, I am leaving work early to attend a concert with my girlfriend. My treat... she is such a supportive friend. She deserves it!
my typical old behaviour is creeping in... I am scared to let Xbf know that I am:
1) leaving early.... because "HE" will feel that "HE" works more than me 2) going to a concert .... because "HE" will feel that "I" have more fun than him.
YES!!! I know... those are about HIM,... I am trying to not care what he thinks/feels & put the focus on what works for me.
So, might just state that I am leaving early tonight as I have plans.....
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
