IMO, you are giving mixed messages. You go pack her jeans and take to her, saying you were being the nice guy. You said even though she was lying, you thought you would do something nice for her. So you have no qualms about that?

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The odd thing is, I brought it up that I had them in the car, and she didn't want to grab them (excuse was time). But suggested we get together the day after.


How she responded was not odd for a WW. What you did was odd, IMO. You were trying to make points, and it failed. She could have cared less that you went out of your way to pack her clothes.

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We ended up making loose plans to have coffee yesterday. Though yet again she was stringing me along and not being very respectful of my schedule. I finally called her up and nailed down a time / location.


Look at your own words. You are pushing her and she is stringing you along. "We" (But I bet it was you pushing) "ended up" (meaning she finally agreed) "loose plans" (nothing definite) "called her" (chasing) "nailed down" (persistence and not getting the hint she didn't want to go).

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This was all business. I put together a proposed agenda so we could stay on topic. She was very uptight, and carrying so much resentment. I know she must be going through a lot, but it is very exhausting to have treated her with compassion at every moment over the past couple months and to have her treat me like some evil person.


What you see as compassion in yourself, may not be what she sees. When you pursue and push to be with her, do things for her.....she doesn't see compassion there. She's not looking for compassion from you. Can you understand that? She resents you and wants away from you. It is smothering to her. She may not intentionally stringing you along, but rather just tries to get out of spending these times with you. She should be more blunt and tell you to forget it, but maybe you won't take no for an answer.

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She wants to be separate, she wants to date other men. Well, then she can be an adult paying for her own bills, dealing with her own emergencies.


Yes, she needs to put her big girl panties on! No more playing Mr. Nice Guy stuff.

Then your last paragraph goes back to mixed messages. You just said she wants to separate and date OM. You said she needs a reality check and be an adult. But then you say this:

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It looks like we are getting together tonight after her work, this time just to hang out

This time we have a pinky swear just to hang out.

I'm hoping it should be fun. Or it may be a giant disaster, either way it is a step forward.


You want to hang out and have fun with a person who has clearly stated she wants to leave you and date OM. Then you do a real "adult" action of sealing with a pinky swear. smirk Maybe that was from her, IDK. But regardless of how it goes, you see it a step forward? Why? B/c spending a little time with her, in your opinion must be a step forward?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!