First post, DENIAL was my HAPPY PLACE!!

[Takevowsserious]

Hi Shining

Trust me, your sense of humor will get you very far with all of this MLC craziness!!!

I think every LBS can look back and tell you that their spouse had a list of complaints about them during the crisis.

Pre- MLC, my H was very complimentary of me, would tell me how lucky he was to have me, that marrying me was the best thing he ever did.

During MLC...well... Not so much. Lol!!!!

In the months before bomb, I couldn't do anything right. He complained about everything, from the way I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, took care of kids.
My personal favorite was that I apparently put things in the recycling bin wrong. Don't ask me, I'm still not sure what that means!

I bet if I would ask him about it today, he wouldn't remember any of that.

See, they need to be critical of us and make us the bad guy to justify their behavior. They have all this anger, it needs to be directed somewhere. They aren't ready to turn it back on themselves.

Okay, what does an MLC affair look like...

So, my H has been home this entire time. I've had the opportunity to see the good, the bad, the ugly, and the absolutely hideous!!!

In the beginning of the affair, it's all sunshine and butterflies. Oh, how wonderful the ow is! No one understands me like her! She is such a good friend!
Barf!!!!

H would go out every weekend and stay out till 2, 3, 4:00 in the morning. The texting was constant, and I do mean CONSTANT. If he could have showered with his phone, I think he would have. My favorite was watching him text while cutting the grass. He would walk five feet, stop to text, walk five feet, stop to text. Then he would comment on how it took him hours to mow the lawn!

I said nothing, just bit my tongue. Hard.

But as time goes on, the "real" personality of both affair partners starts showing through. The facade of being so wonderful starts to fade, and reality begins to take place.

But - even then - I think the MLCer wants to put the blinders on. After all... They have put their marriages and families in jeopardy for this person, they want to believe so much she is the answer to their problems. They don't want to face the possibility that they were wrong, that they screwed up.

I remember reading an interesting article online awhile ago, it was about why affairs don't last.

There are many reasons, but primarily, all the issues that each person had prior to the affair eventually rear their ugly head. Once the fun and games of a "new" relationship has ended, they are right back to a regular old relationship, filled with problems and issues and fights. Except everything is magnified because of all the lies and deceit.

Where the affair partners were once FLATTERED that the other would cheat on their spouse for them, eventually they begin to wonder...
If they cheated on their spouse, person they promised to love forever, parent of their children, what's to stop them from cheating on me, lying to me???

Why, nothing of course.

I can also tell you that I got to see a lot of depression and unhappiness from my H. MLC is not one big party like the MLCer might have you believe. They are hurting, deeply hurting. They will do anything to make that hurt stop.

Anyway, you are doing great! Moments of sadness, anger, frustrating will come - but they will also pass