Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

Had a contact yesterday. I am working out of the new town this week. This time when I was in town I told her since I am a little less uncomfortable with dealing with her.

I also noted that she had said that she only had two pairs of pants when she left (there are probably 30 pairs of jeans in her closet at home). Being a nice guy, I packed a couple pairs of her jeans in my cary on. Though, I figure that she was lying as the CC bills I saw were full of Nordstroms purchases. Either way, I thought I would do something nice and bring a few pairs along.

The odd thing is, I brought it up that I had them in the car, and she didn't want to grab them (excuse was time). But suggested we get together the day after.

We ended up making loose plans to have coffee yesterday. Though yet again she was stringing me along and not being very respectful of my schedule. I finally called her up and nailed down a time / location.

This was all business. I put together a proposed agenda so we could stay on topic. She was very uptight, and carrying so much resentment. I know she must be going through a lot, but it is very exhausting to have treated her with compassion at every moment over the past couple months and to have her treat me like some evil person.

I did bring up a list of things I wanted to do with the kids, segregating phone bills and insurance. Basically putting a reality check in front of her. She wants to be separate, she wants to date other men. Well, then she can be an adult paying for her own bills, dealing with her own emergencies.

She was a bit miffed that she had to pay for her own deposit on her rental home, and said that she "Asked" me. All she did was hint, and I advocated for my own needs. This came up, and I reminded her that I have been working on myself, working on the co-dependant behaviors that were very destructive in our relationship.

So, it was a bit tense. She was getting ready to go on a date with the OP. But I held my ground. I set the tone of the meeting. I was firm, but compassionate. I put on a bit of heat about the reality of the situation. I think I did good.

It looks like we are getting together tonight after her work, this time just to hang out (I mentioned that in one of my communication courses that a 5/1 ratio of just BS to hard talk is necessary to maintain positive interactions). This time we have a pinky swear just to hang out. I'm hoping it should be fun. Or it may be a giant disaster, either way it is a step forward.