[gan]

So I've been ruminating over the things that I think were problematic in our relationship and my contributions to it. Our stint in MC ended so quickly with him moving out that it didn't really shed much light on his perspective.

This is what I have so far:
- co-dependency (too much emphasis on "us", at the expense of individual identity and fulfillment outside of work. I've not done a much as I could to have my own friends and interests, and sometimes I've been jealous/mistrusting when H has pursued his)
- lack of shared goals/common purpose for marriage (I think this relates in part to the above - without independent goals it's been hard to have shared goals for our life together)
- my relationship with my work (while I did a lot to ensure that I didn't bring work home [no work email on phone, rarely pulled out work computer on home time], I continued to bring work related stress home and depended on H - not me - to manage this stress)
- my "fiesty" communication style (I value that I am open, direct and courageous in my communication but I interrupt too much and this comes at the expense of reflection and hearing what is being said. I sometimes feel out of control of what I say and regret it later, especially during arguments)
- his stonewalling (still reading up on this to understand my contributions)
- sex and affection (M wasn't sexless but we were both left wanting. I didn't understand his wants, he didn't understand mine. In reading more post BD, I now think we might be the same love language but different dialect, with different emphasis on non-sexual vs sexual physical contact)