Horrible night. Been up since 2:30am sick to my stomach. Can't stop thinking about possible D and all that will entail. My gut is literally screaming at me that he is back with OW and D is on his mind. I hate how much it scares me. It just so overwhelms me -- dealing with the house alone, the financial strain I would be under. I have friends but I feel like everyone is busy with their own lives and I would have no one to lean on anymore. My parents are elderly and my Dad is very ill. H has tons of family support and on top of that he has OW. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like if I have to deal with the two of them together in my face. Other than one of my children becoming extremely ill, this is truly my worst nightmare.

I want to stay home today and just hide and cry. But I am going to make myself get up and get to work and talk to people and have a productive day. I can't let this destroy me. I have to find a way out of this dark place.

M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14