Nero I still fantasize about running away from it all (especially the lawyers)
I think we have to go on working on being OK in ourselves. For me it has to be on my own. I do not know why, but that is the way it has to be. But if my xh's MLC had been different I would probably be where you are, and trying to work on myself. I don't think it is about changing ourselves, actually but about being more aware of who we really are.
Some people call it shadow work, understanding our own shadow
There are still nudges and rubs, but they do diminish as you do more stuff on your own, and build up new layers of memory.
I also think we learn about ourselves from the hurt itself. The hurt ceases to define us and our response to things, and becomes instead a sort of goad, pushing us forward. Many of us want to change as little as the MLCer does. i was comfortable and happy in my old life and resisted change. Boy did I resist change.
I am getting to the point where I genuinely remember the good times, and am grateful for them. Sometimes i wish I had married another man, but then I look at my kids and would not unwish the greater part of my life.
It remains a roller coaster. And I agree about the lack of choice for us. So plodding on, but trying to enjoy it - loved the game on Shining's thread 'The good thing about all this'! It made me laugh. Maybe we need to start a thread about the good thing about MLC for us.
I have books in my bed and sleep in the middle of the bed and I go to bed when I feel like it, eat what I want. I drink as much coffee as I want (my xh always thought I drank too much coffee - this was not a MLC fad. He is probably right, but I gave it up for a month and didn't feel any different, so went back to drinking it.) I drink it very strong with milk in.
