I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

Thanks, 25yearsmic. I totally hear you. She actually said she'd "totally forgotten" about our anniversary. I guess we all lie a little sometimes.

I know I'm being a petulant selfish little weasel. The only reason I'm "in a rush" is I know she's hell-bent on getting married and having a kid. I'm SO freaked out she will meet someone, rebound, get hitched, and start popping out kids. She already had one rebound marriage before she met me. So, she's been known to "move on" extremely quickly, even if it's not the best situation.

At the end of the day, I understand how much this has shattered her. Her ego, her confidence, her sense of self-trust (how did she not know I was a liar?), etc. We had SO MANY good memories, and now she views them ALL as lies. I know they weren't lies. I know I was in love. And I also know I was extremely two-faced and selfish, and that I took advantage of her infinite trust and ability to assume the best.

I know I need to wait. I know I need to accept the consequences. I just don't know what to do with the CONSTANT obsession and feelings of cortisol in my system. I'm seeing a therapist and going to 12-step, but GOD this is hard. Yes, I know it's probably twice as hard for her. But she won't show me that side of her. She is the classiest, proudest lady in California. And I love her for it.

So... I just work on myself and wait. That's the solution?