Thanks, Cadet! I have seen that post before, but a reminder is always welcome.
Train, when I first met my H, I was smart, sexy, hard-working, ambitious, organized, and extroverted. I'm still smart, sexy, and hard-working, but the other qualities have receded as life has gotten in the way. For example, I left my "career" job when we moved two years ago, and since then I've been working part-time. I have good reasons for it, and I still make a sizeable contribution to our finances, but I think it's caused my H to lose some of his respect for me. I'm definitely doing a 180 here. Finding a new job isn't optional anymore because of the S, as I'm not self-supporting on my current income. I'm forging new friendships and reconnecting with old ones. I'm (slowly) getting my house in order. I will find the "old" me again.
ss06, I read your threads and I agree -- it sounds like we have a lot in common. My D7 also has behavior problems and I've been worried about how the S would affect her. To my great relief, she's coping very well, although it is HARD to be alone with her during a meltdown. I do still worry about the long-term implications, though.
I'm torn about the affection. I feel compelled to be patient and give him space, but without a minimal amount of appreciation or affection in return I feel like a doormat. I don't do well with limbo -- I'm an "in or out" kind of person, and I'm not ready to be out. I feel like the affection helps me keep my dignity during this process because I don't feel completely neglected. But, I understand that it may be more damaging in the long run.
Whether H is "trying" or not seems to depend on the day. When he dropped the bomb, he said that he wanted to continue working on our relationship. However, when we spoke again for the first time a few days later, he clarified that he is only working on himself right now and wants to take a break from working on the relationship until the end of the summer. Later that week in a MC session, however, he said that he might be ready to come back to MC in early to mid August. Last week he again said that his goal right now is himself and he isn't working on the M. Then we went to lunch yesterday and I made a reference to him possibly not ever feeling ready to try again, and he said, "This is trying," referring to our lunch, although he again said that his focus right now is on himself. So, yeah.
That paragraph makes it sound like we're talking about the M a lot. I didn't think so, but that's some food for thought.
