First post, DENIAL was my HAPPY PLACE!!

[Shining]

So, may I ask how you know that the OW has replaced you in everyway and is there every night?

Hmmm....I guess since I'm not there, I really can't know for certain. Oooooh, uR, this confession is gonna hurt. Brutally honest. Prepare the 2x4s.

Some background:

ACT I: "PRE-DB"
(this is my feeble attempt to avoid being accountable for my actions, since this was all before DB)

Initially, I was under the impression that we were separating in an effort to preserve our marriage....haha. That was a laugh. BAIT? SWITCH.

The day I had confirmation of OW, H took her out on our boat. This was 20 days after kids and I moved out. I went ballistic. I left work, and went to the house. There were bags and bags of her shoes and clothes on the floor, and hanging in my closet. After I checked to see what size she wore, because let's be real, we all wonder....I found the sexy lingerie. Did I take pics? Heck yeah, I took pics (duh, who wouldn't want proof?) Her iPad was on my nightstand. Her hair products and make-up were on my vanity. (This was when I discovered his Eau de MLC scent of "Ed Hardy" cologne.... Ok, that was actually comical because he hated both EH and cologne). She bought him a shirt he would NEVER wear....chuckled bc it was wrong size......lol. Oohhh, they had been together there long before that day. Prob EA for a while, too. Let's just say she didn't just throw a few things together and show up.

I went through a wallet of hers.... Yeah...I know. NOW I know. But that's how I learned her name. A business card with a photo.... Ewwww. No one in family, H work or friends knows her. I'm guessing he found her online, as there were clues to that possibility months earlier. I'll save that story for another time.

In the next scene, the role of "Betrayed Clueless Angry Wife" as performed by Shining:

Grace had somehow escaped me in that moment, and I decided to send H a pic of OW's trashy nightie to him while they were on the boat, and texted that she's so lucky because he's quite the catch...and I told him his whole family knows. And friends. And work. (Slight exaggeration, perhaps, but I did expose him to a few that suspected anyway).

That was followed by my freak-out-ballistic-cry-fest-how-could-you performance. Then texts to H suggesting he get tested for STDs. And check for warts. Oh, I was relentless. At the time, H was consulting me! Asking what he should do, and is there something I know that he needs to know, because he didn't want an STD.... As if I'm his buddy. (Wth?)

Boy, I sure gave him 2 days worth of proof that I'm bat$$crazy and he should have left me a long time ago. One might say, I reacted. This had never happened to me before. Never saw that coming. I completely lost it. WOW was that the worst pain? Ever?!??

Now I know better.

SD19 moved in after kids and I left, and SS20 still lives there. For several weeks, SD19 was texting me bc she was upset about her dad's behavior. She does not like OW (told H that he's crazy for leaving me, and that OW is "pathetic and sloppy"). I have to admit, I asked about things because I thought it mattered at first. I could feel the anger, adrenaline, and energy that goes with hearing bad things about someone who hurt me. I felt validated. I learned that all it got me, was upset.

Ok, so the knowing better from before? Now I know even BETTER.

ACT II: POST DB

I told SD19 that I needed to detach, I should not have been asking her anything, and I was sorry for putting her in that position.

I still hear bits and pieces by default, family or neighbors will slip something in a conversation, not on purpose, but enough to give me the impression that OW is the new "me".....only she's older. And not me.

SD19 confirmed a while back that H spends 24/7 with OW. SD19 was so upset with him one night bc she wanted time with him, but he monster spewed at her, of COURSE, defending the fair maiden he rescued from a search-a-slu+ website. H and SD19 fought, and she ultimately kicked a hole in the wall....the newly painted textured wall. Oops.

This was followed by SD19 getting locked out of house without her car keys, crying on sidewalk, neighbors texting me not wanting to know what's going on, but concerned about SD19.... Oh, yeah. We're THAT house now. Well, they are...because I'm .... Wait for it.....

DETACHED.

Who knows what really goes on there now. I guess I just assumed that since I'm strapped in for the long, earth-orbiting trip while H figures out which way is up, that things would be the same for a while. If MLC affairs really take a long time to cycle.

I got that out of my system. Now I'm like, totally zen.