I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

Ok, I expected that response. I'm learning in fits and starts and appreciate the tough love. I'm just grabbing at straws here. I go back and forth between self-loathing and suicidal thoughts to getting angry and petulant and wanting to try to change things.

I think back to those moments when I was with her and didn't appreciate her, and I try to unpack it... What was going on in my head? Why did I never feel "sure?" Were we really not a match? Was that my intuition speaking? Or was that my fear of commitment?

So many questions. So much to learn. So very too late to figure it out and save this relationship...