I had a good trip with my old boss from the UK. It felt longer than a week and was refreshing to have a change of scene. The old boss didn’t offer specific advice, though he did offer support. He said that old work colleagues in London respect what I’ve done, and that I should allow time for things to work out. We focussed on things I could do in my current role that would help it to look good. We also discussed projects that could be done as research for possible future options. One thing he said was that aspects of WAW’s behaviour that are controlling are likely linked to her prior (or continuing) experience of feeling so out of control. I know the comment is speculative, but I find it helpful insofar as it emphasises the nature of WAW’s journey being her own now. At times I experience what I consider to be controlling defensively b/c I do feel guilty, sad, useless etc. for my contribution to her hurt. However, this guilty, sad, useless (and hence defensive feelings) vibe doesn’t help me to DB and is doesn’t help WAW with her stuff. Stay in your own sandbox.
When on holiday, I did txt WAW to see if D2 was ok. I got a rather perfunctory reply, but as I’ve stated that is a style thing of WAW (i.e., no need to think it’s bad). I held off sending anything more.
I did miss D2 though (as my weekend with her was taken up by the trip). However, last night WAW asked me to send her a photo of me from the holiday – as D2 has been asking about me and being on holiday. She also asked if I might be up for some babysitting over the weekend. I was really happy that both of these things happened.
I also understand she communicated with my sister about having my sister’s son over for a play session with D2. My sister’s son is almost the same age as D2 and they often spent time together when I look after D2 as I enjoy my sister’s company. I thought it was great that WAW felt comfortable enough to do that. (my sister and WAW were friends (still are?) but WAW hasn’t contacted her much since the separation, so this was all positive.
So, yeah. At the end of my holiday I felt refreshed but also sad about the lack of contact with WAW and D2. But two days later I there has been positive movements.
WAW and I separated since 27 December 2012. 19 months on and still, very much, standing for reconciliation and being there for D2. I don’t want people to be put off by my timeframe. When I first came to this place, I really struggled with the time. But I also wasn’t really sure what I wanted/who I was/what was important. There’s no rules apart from that being patient is a life long desirable trait. I’ve seen people do far better jobs at DB than I’ve done and sort things more quickly. I’m no vet. Every situation is different. Like many others, mine is a marathon and the hardest thing I’ve done, but I feel like I’ve discovered/ing so much and I’m grateful.
