Shining, as I said, I like your style. You are a quick study with a sense of humor. My kinda girl.
So, may I ask how you know that the OW has replaced you in everyway and is there every night?
Here's my thought on OWs or OMs. They dont matter. Not one bit. They should not take up any headspace at all. They are a symptom of a problem with huge problems of their own.
I wanted to talk about reading of books. As I wrote to you, knowledge is power. It does help to know what you are dealing with. It also helps to get books to help you figure out yourself. Just be careful not to get yourself crazy with it all.
The way I went about figuring stuff out was I looked at what my h said. Picked out what had validity. Then I was brutally honest with how I saw myself. Wrote down the good stuff and the not so good stuff. I looked at people I admired. I figured out what characteristics and attributes they had that I found attractive.
Through the dbing process, I worked really hard to dig in and work on myself. It was tough. I had to look at some really hard things. But, no pain, no gain, right?
You mentioned that you feel uncomfortable when someone else is uncomfortable. What does it feel like exactly? What would happen if you let them feel what they feel?
I want to just say a little about MLC. This crisis was destined to happen. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it.
You said you think his breaking point was when the kids left. Most MLC's are rooted in a childhood trauma, event or unresolved issues. MLCers usually do not have good coping skills. So that when there is an event in adulthood, they are unable to handle it. They are demons they have to slay. Much as we hate if for them, they have to do it alone.
