Yes it is pretty staggering. In fact my xh thinks it would be good if I could hang out with him and his new wife, and the fact I do not want to is a sign that there is something wrong with me.
Makes me remember a time before the ex left. She had come back after moving out that previous mother's day. Said she loved me and wanted to work it out. I fell for it, not knowing she had the OM on the side. In one of our conversations she couldn't understand why the wife of one of the guys she was spending waaaaay too much time with didn't like her spending time with him. Silly me, I tried to explain it to her, but looking back, she just couldn't get it. She was in her own world and in her world, she felt things should be a certain way. And that she wasn't crazy - everyone else is.
You're right - they do try to normalize things so they don't feel so crazy. Oddly, they'll also say that it is them and then oscillate back to it's your fault. "You're the problem and if they can just get rid of you. Oh, and we can hang out and still be friends, but just not married any longer. It's just a piece of paper anyway"
Marvin the paranoid android is right on the money, but it lets you know what you're dealing with. They cannot think rationally. The empathy chip is broken, and it left the selfish chip on overdrive.
Strangely, it seems many realize something's wrong earlier in the process, but can't figure out why. Then they go trying to explain it by blaming others - anyone that has been close to them.
Like trying to eat cereal from a bowl while sitting on the ceiling...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
