I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[MrBond]

"I know this will stoke some resentment and push back from members of the community, but part of me gets angry and upset that she is being so black and white about the whole thing."

Shows you really haven't learned much. I'm sure you wouldn't think it was a big deal if she had another guy's d*ck in her, right? I mean that should be something that you could just "get over".

"She's the victim and I'm the perpetrator. She's spent very little energy on trying to understand ME and WHY this may have happened."

Weren't you the one who said that the reason why you did it was because she didn't fulfill you sexually? Oh I'm sure she understands why it happened. How would you like to be told that you weren't filling your significant other's sexual needs so they had to go somewhere else? Shame on her for not being more understanding about that.

I know that doesn't matter to her. She's said, "It doesn't matter WHY it happened, It matters THAT is happened." I understand that, but I also feel like if we really had a deep love that she'd want to put her anger aside and talk about it. No?

"I mean, I never PURPOSEFULLY hurt her. That would imply malicious intent. My affair was a result of delusional thinking -- thinking that I NEEDED another person to feel whole, thinking I'd never get caught, thinking what you don't know can't hurt you. It was all SICK, distorted thinking."

Oh I see, so because of that, she should just get over it. Your d*ck just fell into someone else. You had a choice. Period. You just chose to make the wrong one and are dealing with the consequences of that choice. You don't seem to get that despite saying you do.

"But at no point did I decide "I'm going to hurt this woman who loves me so much."

Yes you did. When you unzipped your pants.

"I know this community says to wait and let her heal. But I get so scared that the longer I wait, the further she goes away from me. I know my efforts to maintain contact have only upset her. I'm hearing the crystal clear advice from Bond, Maybell, Zeus and others. I'm just wondering how we know these tactics work? Is it from your own experience? "

What we are saying to you aren't "tactics". It's the plain truth. You messed up with your actions and have to deal with the consequences of those actions. You just don't seem to get that part of taking responsibility of your actions is dealing with the consequences with humility.

Getting angry because you feel she doesn't "get it", shows you lack that humility.