It's also, I'll repeat, way too easy and convenient for a WW to call boundaries "controlling." And she'll do this so that you back off your more firm stance.
BINGO. It's her hole-card, and she knows it WORKS. Expect her to play it over and over and over again now.
The "things that DON'T sting" need to be IGNORED, as you press on with a strong stance. The "things that DO sting" you accept and deflect back, thusly: "I agree, that's something I've needed to work on. End your affair and come back and work on the marriage with me and I think you'll find me more than willing to address that, as well as my other contributions to our prior marital dysfunction."
You AGREE (if it's one that's true), but you bounce it right back, where it belongs. "Hey, I intend to work on that, and in fact I already am. I want to do that for ME, regardless, because it's the right thing to do. But I'm still not willing to live in an open marriage, or even discuss the marriage with you as long as you've unilaterally invited a 3rd person into it."
